Skylarkin' . . .

Interesting

2007-04-10T23:36:00.000-07:00

You Are An ISFJ

The Nurturer

You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal.

A good listener, you excel at helping others in practical ways.

In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music.

You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for.

You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.

What's Your Personality Type?

I remember taking the myers briggs personality test in high school and again in college, and I always got ENFP . . . either this quickly test is screwy or I've changed a lot since high school. Or maybe the two aren't mutually exclusive. I know that over the course of the last five years or so, I've definitely become more introverted. It's not that I enjoy people less but rather that I need more time to myself, for myself. Also it probably has to do with being seriously let down by people that I was close to--both friends and boyfriends. . . stuff like that happens and you, or more appropriately, I'm prone to withdraw not just from that person, but from people more generally.

I feel something similar happening now amidst all of the major changes that are happening and about to happen in my life. One thing about turmoil and seismc shifts--they tend to separate the wheat from the chaff. Put another way, you learn who your true friends are. They're the ones who are nothing but happy for you and your success . . . They're the ones who are supportive, not out of self-interest, but because they care more about you than they care about themselves. Sadly, I'm reminded as of late that not everyone is that way. it's particularly hard for me to accept because even in the midst of all of my failure last year on the job market, a point that for many academics is akin to a professional rock bottom, it never occurred to me to be anything but happy for my friends who first got interviews, then campus visits, and then jobs, some of which I applied for. It never occurred to me even when one of these friends got an interview request while we were getting coffee, stressing about the job market. Even then, as I wanted to melt into the linoleum floor from disappointment and frustration, I never thought to be anything less than happy for my friend, who I knew had been working as hard as I had. I guess I wasn't aware, consciously at least, that there are people out there who make these kinds of things about them. I mean, who does that? This is, of course, a rhetorical question.

One of the things that I hate above all else is to be disappointed in people. Note the preposition--I'm not saying that I hate to be disappointed BY people. That kind of thing happens--it's just human nature, especially when you have high standards for others, and I'll admit that I do have high standards. I hate to be disappointed IN people--that's a whole other ballgame that has little to do with me or my standards and everything to do with others and their actions, or lack thereof.

The thing that especially sucks about it is that the people I'm referring to, however obliquely, are exactly the ones that should be nothing but happy for me given the fact that they have benefitted enormously from my experiences, both positive and negative. They know, in other words (if only abstractly) how hard this success was to come by for me. I don't expect them to appreciate what a big deal either the job or the fellowship is since they've not had any experience in academia and haven't walked 10 steps, let alone a mile, in my shoes.

But what I have realized in the last week or so is that there are plenty of people in my life who aren't self-involved and self-absorbed, who are suportive instead of destructive, who know just how hard it is to land a job in an English dept (a quick statistic: according to the most recent information released by the MLA, which granted isn't super-recent, less than half--42% to be exact--of Ph.D.s in English ended up with tenure-track jobs. This statistic is even more dire in my subfield). So the fact that I landed a job, and good one at that, is something to be proud of. It's not the sexiest job of my colleagues, but it's a really good job, and it's a great fit for me personally.

So from this moment on, I'm taking a page out of my new College President's book. She's awesome and her enthusiasm is contagious. When I met her, she told me she was looking for people who were as excited about the college mission as she was, and as far as she was concerned, people could either get on the train or they could get out of the way. I think that's my attitude from here on in.

Now is not the time to flinch!

blogger, I miss you

2007-02-06T14:21:00.000-08:00

Just was reading over these posts and thinking aout how much time has passed since I spent any time here. It's making me strangely nostalgic.

Add that to the fact that I feel like a lousy friend right now. A good friend got a job offer from a good school but for not such great money, and she's having a hard time with it. Personally, I don't think it's about the money, i think it's about the fact that it's scary as hell to contemplate actually taking a job and moving far away. But she doesn't want to hear even remote hints to that effect. She's making excuses. She talks about how she could move somewhere she wants to live and make more money, but she won't acknowledge that there's big change there too, nor will she acknowledge that clearly, if that's what she really wanted, she probably would have done it already . . . She's making things personal that shouldn't be personal--salary negotiations for example. I'm not suggesting that they don't matter or that they shouldn't matter, but it can't be emotional.

I don't know. I know she thinks that I'm being unsupportive, but I can't just tell her what she wants to hear. What kind of friend is that?

Fuck if I know.

I might find myself in a very similar position in a few weeks . . . I have a second interview with a school thousands of miles away. I have to keep telling myself to wait and see. wait and see. If it is horrible, I can say no. If it's not, then it's not. I can't know this stuff before I get there. But what I don't get is why no one tells you how far beynd terrifying this part of the process is. It's way worse than the pre-conference stage. At that point, it's all abstract and some time in the far off future. but now when it gets to this point, things start to get more and more real. less and less abstract. closer. that, quite frankly, scares the bloody hell out of me.

the only other question, knowing me as I do, is why this should come as any kind of a surprise.

2006-10-17T11:04:00.000-07:00

In my refrigerator:
1. carrots
2. beer
3. milk
4. water
5. pita

In my closet:
1. too many shoes
2. clothes
3. suitcases
4. bicycle wheels
5. sleeping bag

In my purse:
The purse is empty, so I'll go with the messenger bag
1. datebook
2. cellphone
3. pens
4. books
5. papers for tomorrow's class

In my car:
1. water bottle
2. gym towel
3. last week's newspaper
4. music stand
5. rollerblades

On my desk:
1. laptop
2. printer
3. tivo remote
4. tape measure
5. headphones

It could be worse . . .

2006-04-12T17:54:00.000-07:00

Rather than being sequestered in the library working on my chapter, I could be one half of the couple I see outside through the window wearing ill-fitted and matching black leather pants.

Besides, I am in one of the most beautiful libraries on the planet, and there's free coffee and free parking, so I really have no cause for complaint.

Turns out that the construction project that is taking over the outside of my apt. building is having an unforeseeable positive side-effect in that the banging and powertools right outside my window at 8.30AM get me out of bed and to the library much earlier and more often than I'd have ever thought possible. Productivity, I've missed you!

Meme

2006-04-05T00:31:00.000-07:00

From Ramblings:

10 Favorites
1. Season: Summer
2. Color: Violet
3. Time: 7:30pm
4. Food: pizza, sushi
5. Drink
Non-alcoholic: Fresca.
Alcoholic: Guinness
6. Ice Cream: vanilla caramel fudge swirl
7. Place: philadelphia, dublin
8. Sport: this second, ncaa men's basketball (Still love you UCLA!), also college football, the Steelers, and the GAA
9. Actor: Hugh Grant
10. Actress: Jennifer Garner

9 Currents
1. Feeling: Thirsty
2. Drink: Water
3. Time: 12:33 AM
4. Show on TV: The Tomorrow People
5. Mobile: Cingular
6. Windows open: 3.
7. Underwear: nothing too exciting
8. Clothes: jeans, and the biggest sweater I own
9. Thought: when is it going to stop raining?!

8 Firsts
1. Nickname: Esmeralda--don't know why my mom called me that
2. Kiss: Matt F. in 9th grade
3. Crush: Peter in 2nd grade.
4. Best Friend: Liesie--next dor neighbor when I was in kindergarten
5. Vehicle: Used 1984 Audi 4000
6. Job: neighborhood babysitter, then swim instructor
7. Date: Marc is 9th grade--we went ice-skating.
8. Pet: Clancy, an Irish Terrier

7 Lasts
1. Drink: Water
2. Kiss: The Super Bowl.
3. Meal: Pizza for dinner.
4. Web site: this one
5. Movie: Munich
6. Phone call: A friend about watching yesterday's basketall game
7. TV Show: The Tomorrow People on DVD

6 Have You Evers
1. Broken the law: I drive kinda fast sometimes
2. Been drunk: Yes
3. Kissed someone you didn't know: No--have always know them at least a little bit
4. Been close to gunfire: No
5. Skinny dipped: No
6. Broken someone's heart: Yes but didn't know it at the time, only found out about it later.

5 Things
1. You can hear right now: the rain, the tv, the keyboard
2. On your bed: Comforter, sheets, pillows
3. You ate today: pizza, apple, carrots, leftover pasta for lunch.
4. You can't live without: computer, something to read, music, the cats.
5. You do when you're bored: watch mindless television, read, run, text message, surf the web.

4 Places You've Been Today
1. Bed
2. Shower
3. mailbox
4. kitchen (okay, so I didn't leave my apartment all day)

3 Things On Your Desk Right Now
1. laptop
2. cellphone
3. blank cds.

2 Choices
1. Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate
2. Hot or Cold: probably the opposite of what I am at the moment

1 Place You Want to Visit.
belgium

Kiss Me

2006-03-17T18:17:00.000-08:00

I'm Irish(-American)!
yes, indeed . . .

but I'm spending my St. Paddy's catching up on March Madness and drinking my guinness from a bottle. It's an upgrade from last year's "I drink my guinness in a can," I think, but I'm being slightly ani-social, though not intentionally. None of my friends seem to want to go out, or at least no one called me back . . .

so feeling slighty l.ike a loser, but the alternative, watching March Madness on Tivo with my bottled draught isn't actually unappealing. . . besides, I have a rehearsal tomorrow AM anyway.

And the holiday made me happy to actually work on Yeats today . . .
so it's actually not a bad day at all . . .

From People

2006-03-17T18:15:00.000-08:00

Regarding the recent "snub" of President Bush by Jessica Simpson:

Of President Bush, Joe Simpson added, "We are huge fans of him and of his family, his girls. Jessica loves the heck out of him."

Eew.
wrong on so. many. levels.

2006-02-28T14:52:00.000-08:00

Is it strange that finding both a buffalo nickel and a kansas quarter (also featuring the noble buffalo) would just plain make my day? I have been saving the buffalo quarter in the change pocket of my wallet for a few weeks now just because it makes me happy. Now, as I'm scrounging for vending machine change, I find the buffalo nickel! It's like kismet!

Sometimes it doesn't take that much to make my day.
I think that's a good thing.

Be afraid, be very afraid

2006-02-22T16:51:00.000-08:00

(if you are enrolled in my class anyway)

So my students are just plain old trouble this quarter. Not only are there way to many of them, but they've also had more than enough "issues" to make up a magazine subscription!

First there was A, who apparently didn't realize that enrolling in a class actually meant that he was responsible for doing the assignments for said class, so neglected to turn anything in until I got the department police to track him down and threaten to fail him or withdraw him from the course immediately if he didn't answer one of my many inquiring emails. He's now fine, but he brings with him to our meetings a million arcane questions about writing. I don't necessarily mind answering them, except that he is scheduled for 30 minutes, (which is supposed to 20 to meet and then a few to make notes in his file. He routinely gobbles up 40 or 45 minutes, which throws me off course for the rest of my day. And these questions are so minor and obscure, and in the greater scheme of the pass no pass course, make very very little difference for him. Of course, I can't tell him that, but it's a total damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. First he wasn't doing enough work, now he's overcompensating in a big way. It wouldn't matter so much if there were 31 other people to deal with.

Then there was B, whose internship may or may not have been cancelled during the second week of classes. The show that he was working for was definitely cancelled. The question that we have thus far been unable to answer is what did he know when? He didn't notify us, we found out almost by accident. He went on as if there was no problem. This has caused numerous issues in the past few weeks because if he knew and didn't tell us (which is my suspicion at this point), he's in big trouble with the university. Even if he didn't know, he didn't do enough work to pass the course before the position came to a grinding halt. Initially, we were going to let him write another paper (about the ethics of the situation and academic honesty) so that he could finish out the term without withdrawing from the class. Now it looks like, in addition to being possibly subject to disciplinary action, the dean thinks he should have to drop. I don't know yet what the outcome of this will be but to say that it has been a MAJOR pain in the ass, is about the understatement of the quarter.

Turn your attention now to student , whom I haven't seen in so long that I forgot she was actually enrolled in the course and didn't recognize her when she finally came in this afternoon. (This is a real problem when it is an independent study course that requires meeting with me every other week). I had to explain to her why her lapse in attendance was an issue, and why she needs to make a serious adjustment if she expects to pass the course at this stage of the game (oh, and by the way, she wants to enroll again the my summer version--color me thrilled!--not.)

And finally student D, who came in this afternoon (and who has been one of the more enthusiastic and eager students of the term), and proceeded to tell me that his internship had been terminated because he was caught illegally downloading unreleased copyrighted material at his internship (he was working in the music industry). He was fired on the spot. He knows that what he did was stupid, and he's crushed, and yet he seems to hold out hope that if he can just apologize enough times to the right person, that they'll hire him back. I didn't have the heart to tell him that there was no way in hell that he'd ever work there again, but it's the truth. He may well have to drop the course too, but at least he told me about it and won't have to worry about disciplinary action from the university.

I guess the good news is that after today, I may be down to 30 students, maybe even 29 . . . But I'm wondering what other debacles are awaiting my students in the last few weeks of the term. it seems like there has been something for a different person every week for the last month, so I wonder who is next? and what awful fate they're about the encounter. . .

Work Work Work

2006-02-21T10:08:00.000-08:00

So my appointment schedule today is booked solid, and yet my 10:00 person isn't here yet.
My students have a topic proposal due next week, and this stresses me out because even though the class is P/NP and doesn't count for anything academically (because it is not for letter-grade), I take the assignments and my students very seriously. The last assignment is a 10 page research paper, which most of them haven't had to write before, and which most of them need a lot of help to get right . . .

so in theory, they shouldn't show up 20 minutes late!

Alas.

I can't believe we are into the seventh week of the quarter, and I've yet to start writing my chapter. 32 students, a paper to revise and a panel proposal, plus the need to be supportive of my friends and colleagues who are trying to get jobs (if for no other reason than the karmic obligation to support others so that there will hopefully be someone to support me next year should I have more luck on the job market . . .) but all of that leaves little time or energy for the new material, and I need time and energy in order to break myself out of the dissertation stasis that has set in.

But the good (?) news is that the deadline is becoming more scary and more real, and there's nothing like a deadline to motivate! It scares the pants off me to think that I need to finish and graduate this summer (and perhaps that fear is also contributing to my stasis!), but worse is the fear than I won't.

Anyway, the next few weeks will be good because I'll get a lot of things out of the way--will get the paper and the proposal out the door, will finish the final test-prep class and not have to worry about it any more (maybe ever again), and will not be dumb enough to take 7 extra students next quarter. All of those things will free up brain space and help me to focus on finishing.

And that will be good.
:)

Hypocrisy?

2006-02-10T21:20:00.000-08:00

So it's okay for the paparazzi to push Britney's car off of PCH when it broke down . . .

But then it's also their fault when she "makes a mistake"
and drives away with him on her lap?!

If you don't have something nice to say. . .

2006-02-09T23:09:00.000-08:00

So I managed to somehow choke my golden goose this week.
No, I didn't get kicked out of my graduate program, but I did managed to lose my moonlighting gig as a test-prep instructor.

Here's the scoop.
I am, as many know, finishing my ph.d. and holding a 50% teaching appointment in my dept. on campus. On the side, I also teach test prep for approximately 40 hours a quarter. In the beginning, these classes took a lot more than the in-class time to prepare, but now, all that preparation had finally started to pay off. Or so I thought.

The next version of my class is scheduled to be a "blended" course. My colleagues have decided that for test prep, online courses are the way of the future, so the class was going to be half online and half face-to-face. I was less than thrilled about this, not only because no one had so much as asked me for my opinion about the decision to go online, but also because it meant that I would have to type out all my lecture notes into textbook quality material for half of my lesson plans. The notes I inherited from my predecessor were nowhere near what I would need to make this work, so I was looking at a LOT of extra time over the next few weeks, again unpaid, to get these classes ready. i mentioned my dissertation and dept. teaching right?

In addition, I found out earlier this week that I was also expected to enroll in an online training course for the software that we'd be using. I also found out that this was unpaid (apparently, my getting the training and imprving my teaching was supposed to be payment enough), I like teaching. i really do, but give me a break. This is a job not a leisure time activity. Not only that, but the class had already started two weeks earlier, and my program manager had forgotten that I would need to enroll, so I was already behind and expected to "play catch up" with no extra time allocated for someone else's screw-up.

I mentioned the dissertation, teaching and 40 hours I'm already working for the current class, right?

So to make a long story short, when they told me about this course, I went ballistic.
Ironically, the first email I composed was far worse than the one I sent, which was "mean-spirited." Looking at it now, the one I sent probably did come across as nasty, but I really did think that I had been showing a lot of restraint given the circumstances. In any event, I have a very sarcastic streak, and it just bit me in the ass.

Still, I triple-dog-dare anyone to find a person with a pulse to not be angry at such an oversight. Especially when this is not the first time something like this has happened. It is by far the worst oversight I've been dealt, but stuff like this has happened regularly to me in the time that I've had the job, and it has happened to a coworker too. What makes it especially inexcusable to me is that there were three people who needed the training--one for fall, one for winter, and one for spring (me)
. Why no one told me about this back when the decision was made in the first place absolutely boggles my mind. I could have done it in the fall or in december or even this term if they would have just let me know in advance so that I could plan my schedule accordingly. But apparently three people is too many for my program manager to handle. (sadly, I think she almost dropped the ball on fall person too, but someone else noticed so that instructor got a whole week warning before her training course began!)

One of my tragic flaws is that I have very little patience for incompetence, whether my own or someone else's. Combine that with the fact that I'm already pretty horribly stressed out right now about other matters, it's not surprising that I finally cracked.

Still, it pisses me off that I got fired for my remarks when I had a legitimate (if poorly articulated) response to a pretty major screw-up.

But part of me thinks that they were probably looking for a reason not to offer the class next quarter anyway since no one has signed up for it yet . . . numbers have been decreasing (one of the reasons we were going online in the first place) steadily over the last few years, and apparently the entire program is in jeopardy (not that I'm surprised when it is so poorly managed!).

I wonder what's going to happen now to the spring class. Surely, there's no one else willing to write five lectures worth of material from scratch for free. It was going to be a pain in the ass for me, and I've been doing this for a while now. The other instructors would be starting from nothing (because they teach different exams, and they're all different enough to require substantial work and fuck me if they're getting my materials now!).

They'll find someone to take over eventually, because no matter how horrible the job is, there will be a grad student somewhere desperae enough for extra money to do it. The hourly wage is good--the problem is that they expect you to work a lot of additional hours off the clock (they don't tell you that up front).

I guess the best part of all of this is that it is no longer my problem, and it does get me off the hook for a whole lot of stuff that I would have had to deal with and stress over for the next several weeks. And if I'm going to get fired, at least it was from a job that won't affect my actual career prospects. In fact, most of my advisors didn't think I should be teaching the test-prep anyway, but at the time that I took the job, I really needed the money. Things financially are slightly less claustrophobic for the time being, and I've managed to save a little bit for the first time ever in my life (though it's back to living paycheck to paycheck come march).

Now at least there is one less thing in my life for me to worry about, and you know what, they can keep their money if I can keep my sanity. I just wish that I had kept my cool too, but I guess I've learned something from the whole thing. If only they didn't get to be so sanctimonious about it . . .

note to self: next time, take the high road.

From CNN.com

2006-02-07T11:39:00.000-08:00

"Weight gains among Europeans have been linked to consumption of more American-style fast foods like hamburgers, pizza and sweetened soft drinks, according to a study released on Tuesday.

Why this is news to anyone, I have no idea.
Fast Food is bad for you? They needed a study to figure this out?
Give me a break.

On an unrelated note

2006-02-02T21:55:00.000-08:00

I did my taxes today.
This usually isn't too, firgive the bad pun, taxing, even for my math-addled brain, but for some reason, the CA state return was just impenetrable for me. The problem, I think, was that I did a consulting gig at year's end. I had done the job before a few years ago, bt this time around, the company contracted us out to an independent agency who instead of issuing us W2's like we were their actual employees, gave us 1099's instead.

I had no idea that this would be so complicated. There must be hundreds of thousands of people in this country who earn money as independent contractors of some kind. Maybe they all pay someone else to do their returns. Otherwise, why wouldnt there just be a paragraph in the instructions telling poor schmucks like me how to deal with this. I mean, ther have to be more independent contractors (ICs) in the US than there are lottery winners, right? And there's a paragraph for them (the lottery winners, I mean). There have to be more IC's than innocent spouses of people who committed tax fraud, and yep, there's a paragraph for them . . .

Now lest you think I'm a complete moron, I was able to figure out my federal return after about an hour of surfing and only one call to my dad. The state return, however, was a completely different matter. I'm still not completely confident that I did that one right, but out the seven years I've lived here, I've gotten corrections from the state twice (I overpaid both times), and both of those times, I was sure that I had done everything correctly. So I don't have a lot of faith in my own sense of correctness when it comes to state tax returns. . . I paid what I think I owe, and the math part makes sense. I'm just not sure if I filled out the form right--not the tax form, but the schedule CA where you have to tell them where the extra money (the 1099 paycheck) came from.

The good news is that I should be getting a sweet check from the government (well, I say that fully aware that what I consider "sweet" with my graduate student poverty-line surfing wages is probably way less than what normal people with real jobs consider "sweet") Regardless, I can put a good chunk in the bank for the rainy day which will be next year's job market, and still splurge a little bit on myself!

I now get to imagine the myriad ways I can do such a thing. Of course, anyone who knows me will probably realize that this is basically the equivalent of giving me a gift card (I hoard them!), but there are worse things . . .

Say it isn't so . . .

2006-02-02T21:52:00.000-08:00

First Charlie and Denise . . .
Then Brad and Jen . . .
Then Hilary and Chad . . .
and now
Heather and Richie?!

Is nothing sacred anymore?

My Birthday

2006-01-31T21:39:00.000-08:00

It's not today--in fact, it's not for quite a while, but here's some thoughts about it according to a random internet thingie-ma-bop.

Your Birthdate: October 13

You're dominant and powerful. You always need to be in charge.
While others respect your competence, you can be a bit of a dictator.
Hard working and serious, you never let yourself down.
You are exact and accurate - and you expect others to be the same way.

Your strength: You always get the job done

Your weakness: You're a perfectionist to a fault

Your power color: Gray

Your power symbol: Checkmark

Your power month: April

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Not sure how I feel about the checkmark as my "power symbol"
but I do like gray (though the gray suit I bought didn't get me any job interviews--course, the hiring committees would have snapped me right up had they any sense of how awesome I am in the gray powersuit . . .)
anyway . . .

Thursday Meme

2006-01-26T20:53:00.000-08:00

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Do I really have to go to this stupid meeting at work this AM?

2. How much cash do you have on you? Literally, not a cent. But I have about $67 in my wallet.

3. What's a word that rhymes with TEST? PEST, BEST, STRESSED, MESSED, VEST, FEST, ZEST, WEST, REST, DRESSED, QUEST, NEST, GUEST . . . Okay that was fun. Next word?

4. planet? Earth

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list? Some random guy from a bar. he called to see if I gave him the right number at the bar, left me a voice mail saying that he'd call me the next day , and I never heard from him again. I think his name was Curt. oh well. no great loss.

6. What is your favorite ring on your phone? I have the Knight Rider theme song right now for Caller ID, and the theme from Halloween for unknowns and restricted numbers. I think they're both pretty cool, but I'm sure I'll get tired of them eventually. The good thing is that my ringer is usually off during the day, so i hardly ever get to hear them, and they stay cool longer!

7. What shirt are you wearing? Steelers jersey #28--Chris Hope! It just got here today, so I'm ready for next weekend. Detroit, here we come!

8. What do you label yourself? I don't label myself

9. Name the brand of shoes you've recently worn. the? as in, there's just one? Saucony, Puma, Franco Sarto, Frye (the best boots ever!)

10. Bright or Dark Room? medium. not too dark, not too light.

11. What were you doing at midnight last night? trying to read and falling asleep instead.

12. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? "I figured that was you."

13. Where is your nearest 7-11? Not sure--but there's another convenience store up the street a block--used to be a stop-n-go, but now it's something else.

14. What's a saying that you say a lot? "motherfucker/what the fuck?" Well, I might not actually say them out loud all that often, but I say them in my head an awful lot.

15. Who told you they loved you last? My mom. All together now: "Awww . . ."

16. Last furry thing you touched? Either a cat or the sweater I just put back in the closet.

17. How Many Drugs Have You Done In The Past three Days? nothing illegal--vitamins, allergies, the usual.

18. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? I've had a digital camera for several years now, but there is a roll of old-fashioned actual film somewhere in my apartment with pictures of me and my ex before he was my ex. I didn't develop it at the time because we broke up while the roll was in progress and couldn't bear the thought of seeing the pre-carnage shots. Now it's like three years later, and I don't really care enough to find the film and pay to have it developed. It might be interesting though since I think ther are also other pictures on the roll, but I can't remember what they are.

19. Favorite age you have been so far? I think 30 was pretty great, 21 and 22 not bad either . . . I also remember liking 5th grade, 8th grade and my senior year of high school. 31 sucked pretty hard though.

20. your worst enemy? I don't think I really have a specific nemesis right now, but Seattle fans would fit the bill, as would pain-in-my-ass students who haven't done jack yet and are pissing me off.

21. What is your current desktop picture? from ALIAS. Jennifer Garner in the red wig--she so kicked-ass in that pilot.

22. What was the last thing you said to someone? "talk to you soon."

23. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly, which would you choose? tough call--I think I'd have to go with the money though--think the novelty of flight would probably wear off after a while, while financial security would make my life a HELL of a lot easier.

24. Do you like someone? I like lots of people.

25. The last song you listened to? "Cross-Eyed Bear" by Damien Rice on the War Child cd.

I got a feelin'

2006-01-15T19:58:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to hear from the boy. If he was going to call, he'd have done it by now (or he'd have at least responded to the email).

But other events today are monumental enough, that I could really care less.
By that I mean, my Steelers beat the unbeatable . . . they went to Indy today, and they actually won.

the slightly spiteful part of me hopes he (the non-calling boy) bet the colts. It's too bad I don't have a bookie, 'cause I'd be in some serious bank after PSU, UT and the last two Steeler games.

There was a brief and shining moment this afternoon when I thought that I might have news on another front, that of the cute-Steeler guy at the var, but after the game, i hung around talking to him for a while, and it turns out that we have some pretty serious ideological differences. In other words, there's no problem in the world, and I mean *no problem* that a thriving and healthy capitalist system can't solve. sigh.

Anyway, whatever. But I'd sure like to know what it is about me that sends these guys running the other direction. Oh well.

un, dos, tres, quattorze!

2006-01-14T21:29:00.000-08:00

FOUR JOBS I HAVE HAD IN MY LIFE:

1. baby sitter
2. swim instructor/lifeguard
3. waitress
4. telemarketer

FOUR MOVIES I WOULD WATCH OVER AND OVER:

1. the royal tennenbaums
2. bourne identity
3. about a boy
4. the matrix

FOUR TV SHOWS I LOVE TO WATCH:

1. Veronica Mars
2. ALIAS
3. The Shield
4. Sex and the City

FOUR PLACES I HAVE BEEN ON VACATION:

1. Big Sur
2. Dublin
3. Las Vegas
4. Myrtle Beach

FOUR WEBSITES, EXCLUDING BLOGS, I VISIT DAILY:

1. theframes.ie
2. gmail
3. slate.com
4. emusic.com

FOUR OF MY FAVORITE FOODS:

1. pizza
2. pink lady apples
3. hard pretzels
4. sushi

FOUR OF MY FAVORITE DRINKS:

1. fresca
2. guinness
3. diet coke
4. irish breakfast tea

FOUR PLACES I WOULD RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:

1. Dublin
2. Philadelphia
3. Pittsburgh
4. at a bar . . .

Yay Texas!

2006-01-04T21:57:00.000-08:00

Am so glad that someone finally beat those USC jerks--I mean I love Pete Carroll, and I respect what the team has done, but USC fans are some of the most obnoxious and arrogant peple on the planet. I'm glad that the longhorns were able to take them down a notch or two. So to the cute lawyer I met at the bar last night who asked me who he should bet on, I hope you listened and put at least a little bit on Texas. I wish I would have. I also hope that you call me. Finally, I hope that you're right about your friend, that he really isn't as much of a jerk as he seems. Throttling random girls in a bar (me) even in jest is generally not a good idea.

To the other guys in the bar, generally, when a member of the opposite sex calls you the anti-christ, it's not going very well. Cut your losses.

Here are some additional tips:

1) when we ask you a question, answer it. You don't need to prodice dissertation length (or quality) answers. generally, these are just attempts to get to know something about the guy who bought me the drink or is sitting next to me or whatever. I'm not out to get you--if you don't want to talk, don't sit down at my table. If you just sit down and don't say anything, it's weird.

2) If you have already hit on my friend. please don't think that you can just go on down the line and hit on me next. Even if my friend doesn't like you, chances are, I'll be less than thrilled to be your back-up plan. choose your shots carefully before you decide to take them.

3) not a good idea to bring up the divorce in the first 5 minutes of conversation. not that I'm saying you shoud hide it, but I don't need to know that just yet. Spilling those beans so early on says one thing: BAGGAGE.

3B) Lose the wedding ring before you enter the bar if you're looking to meet women (or better, if you are still marred, DON"T LOOK). I don't care if you are going through a difficult divorce, or if there is some horrible story that is preventing you from removing your ring. wearing it sends a very clear message: you are unavailable, either completely or emotionally--either way, I'm not interested. I'm sorry for whatever you're going through, but I'm not going there. Really.

4) When a girl says she's fine with the drink she has, please don't buy her another one just to make a statement. I'm not going to be impressed with your generosity. I'm thinking that you want to get me drunk, or that you have some control issues. Neither is attractive. If I wanted another drink, I'd accept your offer in the first place.

5) If I give you my number, it means I'd like you to call me. If I don't give you my number, then I'm happy to never see you again. Take the hint, and don't keep asking. If you have no intention of calling, do me a favor and don't ask for the number; I won't be offended. I don't actually exect every guy I meet to ask mr for my digits, and I don't give out the number to every guy who does.

anyway . . .
at least it was an interesting evening out.

I didn't think it could get worse . . .

2005-12-16T21:02:00.000-08:00

but it did.

I've still not gotten any calls for interviews, and while I could still get a couple next week, with each day that goes by, I feel that much more discouraged. I guess the good thing is that I have gotten myself to the point where I don't really expect the phone to ring anymore. I'm extremely disappointed and frustrated, but I'm doing my best to accept that it happens. Some of the scholars I respect most in the profession didn't get jobs on their first tries either, so I guess that's not bad company to be in. . . it doesn't make the situation any easier to accept emotionally, but I'm trying not to be completely hopeless. There's a strange surreal quality to the whole thing though--it's like I'm living someone else's nightmare, except that it's really my life.

But what is worse is that today I was meeting with two friends who are also on the market to practice for interviews (which I wasn't all that jazzed about since I don't have any to practice for, but they do and they are my friends--well one is a better friend than the other. . .), so I put on a brave face and went hoping that it would boost my karma or something.

Boy did that backfire. In the middle of our practice session, someone else's phone rings (the girl I am friends with but don't know all that well). Not only did she get an interview, but it was for a job that I had also applied for. I don't begrudge her anything, and she's a very qualified applicant whose work is just very different from mine, but it *really* sucked to be in the room when that happened. I mean, it was one thing when my phone just wasn't ringing, and I knew on some abstract level that other people were getting calls, but this was so much worse. it made the whole dreadful experience all the more real. It was like getting punched in the stomach or just having the wind knocked right out of you. Kinda reminds me of those falls I tok a while back, but on a purely emotional level, if that makes sense.

On top of that, this particular friend is generally clueless so she then started talking about how she didn't think that she would really want the job all that much, but that she'd definitely interview with them, etc., and she's really glad that she's got more than one interview lined up now, blah, blah, blah. Now she didn't know that I had appplied for the job too, but she did know that I have a whopping ZERO interviews, so I wasn't really up for hearing her complain about the fact that she only had the one, because if I did get the one, I'd be pretty psyched. There's a huge difference between zero and one.

Thankfully, my other friend noticed that I had basically clammed up and was trying to make myself evaporate, so she asked if I was okay, and I managed to croak that I had applied for the same job . . . which made the other girl immediately start to say things like, "Well, maybe they'll call you too . . ." (unsurprsingly, they didn't). Part of me is really gald that she felt so terrible about it--it's not her fault, but her general insensitivity about the whole thing was really shocking to me. Maybe now she'll stop her complaining, at least when I'm around, because now I *really* don't want to hear it.

What I find so frustrating is that I know I could do a good job if someone would just give me a chance. The problem is that my project is rather iconclastic, so it doesn't fit into most of the conventional job categories. I know that the work is good, and I know that it makes an important contribution to my field . . . i just need to get in the damned room to convince other people.

But at least the suspense is over for the weekend.

well . . .

2005-12-12T23:05:00.000-08:00

got two more rejections today. One of them I wasn't expecting since the school just hired someone else from my program last year, and if they take anyone else from here, I'd like to think that they'll go with my other friend (her husband) . . . The other one was one I had allowed myself to get kind of excited about, but more because of the location of the school than because of the actual job itself. All is not lost (yet), but with each assing day the prognosis for employment and finanical independence grows a little bit bleaker. I guess it wouldn't be horrible to stay here for anther year, but I hate the thought that my life will be on hold for an entire year more . . .

I don't know.
I don' know if I have it in me to do the treadmill of temporary one-year positions all over the place until one of them finally sticks. But i won't go there until I have to. There's still a chance that I will get an inerview. The job that I really want (despite the ick factor of a now-married jackass of an ex-boyfriend who teaches in a different department at the same school), is still in play, and they said they wouldn't notify those who make it to the next stage until mid-December, so that could mean next week on the typical academic clock. I would like to have more than one interview, but beggars can't be choosers, right? If I only get one, at least I'd like it to be for a job that I really want.

Anyway, that's what's going on this week so far. Could be worse . . . but I'm now wishing that I hadn't gone and bought the clothes . . . Thankfully, no matter what happens, I went with the classics, so as long as I stick with my diet, I should be able to wear everything next year . . .

no news is . . .

2005-12-06T09:44:00.000-08:00

good news?
or not?

I don't know, but that's where I live these days, in the perpetual state of no news and neurosis. I'm told that the process takes time (we are dealing, after al, with not one academic, but an entire committee of them during the end of semester crunch) and that it's still very early on, but at the same time, I can't help but feel like the premautre purchase of interview attire has just doomed me to no interviews.

I had to go shopping over the weekend, faced with the luxury of both a little bit of free time and some good sale prices, I couldn't just wait and see if the occasion would present itself again. As a grad student, I don't have the luxury of unlimited finances , and on top of that, should I get an interview request, from that moment on, I'll be launched into high stress and pressure prep mode. So I went to the store. Twice. But I found some terrific pieces: a beautiful dark grey pants suit that looks absolutely tailored for me, and better fitting black jacket, a shell in my favorite violet color, and a good deal an a grown-up rolling carry-on suitcase. I liked the violet shell so much that I went back the next day and got the matching cardigan (how is it that I lived into my 30's and never knew the glory of cashmere? Ah yes, you say, you are a grad student and cannot afford cashmere. . . I always admired the colored when I saw it in catalogues--always noticed how the cashmere sweaters were brighter and offered in a much larger color spectrum . . . well, now I'm a believer. I also found (on the clearance rack) the most kick-ass celery colored jacket that one could imagine. Beautiful fabric, another perfect fit--the only slight drawback is that is has a hook & eye instead of a button, making it a bit more casual, but the best part is that it was only $59 (from $219).

Besides, one could make the argument that the process, if it were to be doomed, would have been doomed from the day that I booked the flight back from DC instead of Pittsburgh, thereby setting into motion an entire chain of events that predestined my job hunt to be futile and pointless. I don't really buy into that, but I'm not sure exactly why the suits seem different to my superstitious self.

Anyway, I hope the rest of you are having a better time of it than I am. I hate waiting, and that's what I'm doing. Trying to keep myself busy, but I hate that too. It's exhasting and something about it feels just artificial. But a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

Turkey Day

2005-11-24T16:28:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving!
Things are incredibly busy for me right now, with the job search and another orchestra concert coming up and my resular teaching (thankfully, testprep is over for the next several weeks!) I probably shouldn' have taken on a consulting project for the Council for Education or agreed to help my friend grade her exams this term, but I really need the money--even if I don't end up moving (which I might), I'm in the hole big time right now for sending out application materials and buying a couple suits (on sale on sale on sale!) in the event that I get to interview! Applying for jobs is EXPENSIVE!

Anyway, today, I am thankful for a couple things:

my family and my friends, especially during a very stressful time

my work, which I think might end up being important to someone besides me down the line

everyone who has given me advice or inspiration (and many of them have no idea how inspiring they really are, but I appreciate it nevertheless)

my cats for comanionship and comic relief

and finally, for today, the first day in weeks, literally, that I haven't had to be somewhere or do something or meet someone. I love that stuff, but it's been exhausting me lately, so I'm completely grateful to have a day or two to myself.

I hope everyone else is enjoying their turkey as much as I'm enjoying not having to worry about it . . .
:)

"Do you fall a lot?"

2005-10-19T09:06:00.000-07:00

It gets worse.
Yesterday as I hobbled my way to work I get to which I’m hobbling in a little bit), I saw LVR BEAR herself, and get this: she’s a grandmother! Well, I don’t know about whether or not she has grandkids, but she’s in her 50’s or 60’s! She seemed nice enough—we exchanged good mornings and all, but in my head I kept thinking “On my God! This is LVR BEAR! Holy Christ!” I would have never expected that one in a million years. I thought it would be some 18 year old undergrad. Apparently not.

As for the hobbling, the Shoes of Death have sruck again. I thought that I had taken care of the problem, but it rained Sunday night and Monday morning. The problem is this: the shoes, very cute black Kenneth Cole Mary Janes that I founds at my favorite store, Off-Broadway Shoes, have very slippery soles. Actually, the only thing that’s slick is the heel because it is made of very hard, unscuffable plastic. The shoes aren’t heels, to be clear, but they are without a doubt the most dangerous footwear I have ever owned. I have now fallen twice.

The first time was in Whole Foods about a month ago (no Jake Gyllenhall that time). I went down hard in front of the dairy case, and at the time, I thought it was because the floor was wet. (Turns out that it wasn’t). I had my schoolbag with me, and it was heavy, so the fall was bad. Thankfully, I didn’t twist my knee, I just landed on it hard. I had to ice for a good three days and ended up with an extraordinary colorful bruise. Took about a week to get back to normal.

After that, I went to the store and bought the no-skid pads that you stick on the bottoms of shoes to provide traction. I thought that this had solved the problem. I thought wrong. As I’ve said, I fell again on Monday, on campus this time. Went down right in front of my office this time and landed on the other knee. Thankfully there were no students around. It hurt. So I’m back to hobbling and the bruise is starting to bloom. I’ve very very glad that it’s fall now so that I can wear black stockings this weekend at the anniversary party I’m heading out to Vegas to attend. Wouldn’t that be great to show up in a nice dress, looking like a fifth grader who had just fallen off my bike?

So the shoes are on hiatus until further notice, which kinda sucks because I really like them, and need something to wear to work besides chuck taylors. But, I’d rather wear casual shoes than actually break my neck or really hurt myself.

But the best part is that then yesterday, I fell again! I was wearing sensible shoes, or boots, actually that are not slippery, wobbly or anything else. I still wiped out in the middle of campus, right in front of this group of 5 or 6 students who were walking along behind me. And on top of that, there was some kind of something being filmed on campus yesterday (it happens a lot). I didn’t fall on film, but I did manage to wipe out in front of one of the film crew. The guys just kinda watched it happen, and then after the students all began asking if I was okay, he seemed to realize that he should check on me too.
Here’s the conversation as I recall it:
Girl: Are you okay?
Guy: Are you hurt?
Me: I’m embarrassed, but I’m okay.
Guy: Don’t worry about it, we needed something to talk about anyway.
Girl: Are you sure you’re okay, that looked like it hurt.
Me: Actually no, this one didn’t really hurt.
Film crew guy: This one? Do you fall a lot?

Uh, no, yes, I don’t know. I don’t think of myself as a particularly clumsy person, but I have fallen twice in two days, and not just tripped or stumbled, but completely wiped out and ended up sprawled across the floor in a state of complete disarray.

oh. my. god.

2005-10-04T22:29:00.000-07:00

guess who I saw in Whole Foods this afternoon.
and not only did I have a good long sighting, first in the parking lot, and then in front of the store and again in the store, but he's a nice guy. Tere was this woman who was entering the store with a very little newborn in one of those slings that are all the rage, and he actually interrupted his conversation on his cellphone to stop her and tell her "You have the most beautiful baby!" (and he was right--the baby was absolutely adorable!) Most a-listers I've seen don't go out of their way to engage random strangers in public, even ones with adorable babies . . .
it made me happy.

And that's on top of the most amazing weekend I've had in a really long time. No it has nothing to do with the guy who hasn't called me in over a week. he's been away, first visiting a friend for her 30th birthday and then travelling for work, but y'know what, I'm over it. And that's in large part because a) I've had this relationship before and though certain things were WAY better, even that didn't go anywhere good in the end. Certainly not willing to walk down that path again with a guy who isn't even that great of a kisser. . . and b) because if I'm going to pine away for an absent guy with a great accent, he's going to be hot too . . . In other words, I've found replacements for my attention (they are both completely unattainable, but that's okay). Crushes are fun.

Went to see my absolute-most-favorite band in the world, The FRAMES, this weekend, and I wore this irish football jersey to the show (being as though they're from ireland and all). I went over exceptionally early so that I could get a good spot in front of the stage (did I mention that they're my absolute most favorite band?), and I saw them coming out of the tour bus around the corner from the venue as I was on my way over. I waved (and they waved back), but I didn't stop since I didn't really know what I would say to them, besides "hey," and that just seemed stupid. Anyway, some friends that I have met at these shows in the past were there already, and apparently, they actually know the guys in the band, so the band came over and said hi to all of us, and the lead singer gave us all hugs (I thought I might actually die--imagine getting a hug from bono or michael stipe or bruce springsteen--to me this was like that, only better!) . . .

After an absolutely amazing show, I decided to hitch a ride with these friends to san francisco the next morning to do it all again. the band came out and talked to us again after the show, and they even invited us to grab a drink with them--the friends weren't going because they lived a whole lot farther away from the venue than I do, so I didn't go either (am still kicking myself for this, btw!, but it would have been weird at the time for me to go when the people who actually knew these guys didn't). Anyway, san fran was not quite as great because the crowd sucked: lots and lots of *very* drunk people who not only kept knocking into us (one of them actually told my friend who is parapalegic and in a wheelchair to stand up or get away from the front of the stage! I almost decked her, but then I'd have gotten kicked out!). The same lovely folks spilled multiple drinks on my feet and proceeded to make out, first behind me, then beside me, then practically on top of me. I think I might have even had my first (and hopefully my last) threesome. But the show was amazing despite all that, in part because the band actually changed the setlist to incoroporate a couple songs that we had all talked about the night before. . . and that was pretty damn cool.

I think I may be getting sick--have had a sore throat since I woke up this AM, and my neck is still really sore from sleeping in the passenger seat of the car without one of those funky neck pillows, but it's all so totally worth it!

Even before the Jake Gyllenhall sighting . . .

I think I may actually be retarded part deux

2005-09-26T18:40:00.000-07:00

So funds have been extraordinarily tight as of late, and until now, I had no idea why. I don't make a ton of money, especially over the summer, but I'm used to cutting corners and watching my expenses. I ad budgeted out the summer funds so that I could take my trip and not starve afterwards, and still I looked at the bank account and nearly had a stroke earlier today when I realized that I could pay my rent and a bill or two, but that I'd have no cash until November 1. WTF?!

Until I took a closer look at my credit card statements and realized that genius that I am, I had managed to pay one of them (with a $900 balance--and that is astronomical for me!), not once, but TWICE! Not sure how I didn't notice it or what I was on at the time, but this makes all the difference in the world. I no longer have to eat PB&J for the entire month of October. Hooray!

On other fronts, I'm loving my new computer--it is awesome!
Not so loving the guy right now. I did finally hear from him and see him, twice actually, and when I'm with him, it's fun, but he is TERRIBLE with the follow through. How many times have I complained in the blog about him not calling? He's still doing it. The first was on Friday, he wa supposed to call me that afternoon when he got back from work, and we'd make a plan for that night since he was going out of town over the weekend, and the phone doesnt ring until 7. Apparently, he fell asleep. I was noticeably pissed, but let him off the hook and ended up spending the night with him. Not only did I have to give him the evil eye to get him out of ed to see me to the door (I'm beginning to think he was raised by wolves), but then he was supposed to call Sunday AM when I was out with a mutual friend whom he had been meaning to talk to for a while now, but whose number he keeps losing (I've given it to him twice). He didn't call again, but now at least, I know that it's not me. This time, I can't really blame him. I know he was with friends for a birthday, and there's no way that we're close to serious enough for him to time-out and call me while out with them. But a part of me keeps reminding me that if he wanted to call, he would find a way to call. ut I'm trying to tell that voce to shut up, because it's not serious, and I'm not even sure if I want it to be. The verdict is still out. And that's okay.

All in all, it's fine. Part of it is good for me to just realize that I can handle whatever it is and don't need to get all freaked out or insecure or whatever. That it's not the end of the world if I don't hear from him. That not all relationships are like the one-from hell that I was in before . . .

And bonus: I'm not broke!

How is it already Thursday night?!

2005-09-22T18:25:00.000-07:00

I feel like I turned around and all of a sudden, the week is just gone!
It was supposed to be my time to make progress and headway with my own work since classes start up again on Monday. Did that happen? One guess.

But the upside is that I have a shiny new computer to play with since my beloved ibook passed away earlier in the week. Well, it didn't actually die--nothing so traumatic, but the display finally decided that it would no longer light up when all the way open. Alas, I had hope that she (yes, my computer was female) would see me through the dissertation, but it's on to better if not bigger things (both the ibook and my flashy new powerbook are the miniature size) . . . The moral of the story though, is to be sure and buy the extended warranty if you are considering a laptop.

On another, unrelated note, I just wanted to acknowledge that yesterday was the birthday of the late Mic Christopher, an Irish sing-songwriter, who left us too soon, and whose album, "Skylarkin" is where I got the name for my blog.

Wherever you are, Mic, I hope you're having the craic!

I think I may actually be retarded

2005-09-21T15:41:00.000-07:00

But finally got together with Al last night. Thankfully, there were no records of my multiple calls on his phone, so I was able to play it casual and cool. It's a strange thing, the drama that we can create for ourselves, all the more strange because I was fully aware at the time that it was all in my head, and I still felt rather helpless to get over myself. Turns out, he was working and hanging out with a friend who was visiting from overseas, and Jodi & Vanessa were right all along. He just got distracted and busy. I called him Monday night, and everything was fine. We went out last night, and it was really nice.

It's times like these that make me realize what a number my last relationship really did on me and the way I perceive my relationship to those around me. It still pisses me off to think of how wary and cynical I've become in certain aspects of my life, and just how deeply some insecurities run, insecurities, I might add, that a certain someone manipulated and took absolute full advantage of for way too long (but shame on me for allowing it to go on as long as it did without actually using my god-given spine to stand-up for myself!)

As time has passed, I've noticed a number of other women and their much healthier responses to relationships and other people, and I'm trying very hard now to cultivate the same in myself. In some respects, as much as I hate to admit it, it really does help to use the "What would _____ do?" mentality--the trick is figuring out the right name to fill in the blank. A friend of mine uses Carrie Bradshaw, and it seems to work for her, but I need to find my own . . .

Anyway, all of this comes at an absolute horrible time, and I'm not sure what I'm doing--here I was, had it made: no connections or major attachments (not to say that there are no very good friends here, but I mean nothing preventing me from taking a job in Boise, or Mobile or where ever on earth I might get a job), and what do I do but meet someone. So typical. But I can't, and I won't just cut myself off from life, from people, from experiences just because something might or might not happen a year from now. For now, things are good.

it's thursday

2005-09-15T08:28:00.000-07:00

10 bands you've been listening a lot to lately:

1. the Frames
2. doves
3. sufjan stevens
4. death cab for cutie
5. bell x1
6. spoon
7. new pornographers
8. the rags
9. teenage fanclub
10. matt pond pa

9 Things you look forward to:

1. finishing my dissertation
2. financial independence
3. the new season of Veronica Mars (who was at the damn door?!?!)
4. going back to Ireland
5. trip to Vegas with the family in October
6. having some real time off with no work to do or places to be
7. the frames concert in a few weeks
8. did I mention going back to Ireland?
9. ??

8 Things you like to wear:

1. jeans
2. oversized sweaters
3. baseball caps
4. silver jewelry
5. my watch
6. new glasses
7. plain white t-shirts
8. shoes that don't give me blisters

7 Things that anger you:

1. bad drivers
2. people who say they'll call and then don't
3. narrow-minded-ness
4. noisy neighbors
5. my own insecurities
6. lacksadasical students
7. people who cannot negotiate parking lots

6 Things you say most days:

1. motherf*cker
2. uh, okay
3. hey
4. ??
5. ??
6. ??
no idea--maybe I just don't pay enough attention?

5 Things you do everyday:

1. feed the cats
2. drink something wth caffeine
3. send too much time on the computer
4. listen to music
5. watch tv

4 People you want to spend more time with:

1. my friends
2. my family
3. perhaps a certain someone, though because he hasn't called me back, he may or may not make the final cut
4.

3 Movies you could watch over and over again:

1. the matrix (1)
2. sliding doors
3. anything by john hughes

2 Of your favorite songs at the moment:

1. "New Hampshire" Matt Pond PA
2. "I Turn My Camera On" Spoon

1 person you could spend the rest of your life with:
haven't found him yet

NUMBER OF:

height: 5.6 1/2
shoe size: 8
hair color: light brown
siblings: 1 brother

LAST:
movie you rented: Homicide: LOTS (but it's tv show, not a movie)
movie you bought: House of flying daggers
song you listened to: almost forgot myself (doves)
person you've called: a friend
person that's called you: that same friend forgot to mention something when we spoke
person you had a dream about: my ex--no it wasn't romantic
show you've watched: house
person you were thinking of: my ex, wondering why I dreamed about him

DO:

you have a crush on someone: yep
you wish you could live somewhere else: yep
you believe in online dating: sure
others find you attractive: dunno--probably at least on occasion
you want more piercings: no, but if I could find a cool tattoo . . .
you like cleaning: cleaning what?
you write in cursive or print: depends on if I'm in a hurry or not

FAVORITE:

food: pizza
thing to do: read
drinks: diet coke, fresca, guinness
clothes: jeans
movies: didn't we cover this already?
holiday: anything where the university is closed. also like my birthday

HAVE YOU:

ever cried over a girl: no
ever cried over a boy: yes
ever been in a fist fight: no
ever been arrested: no

WHAT

shampoo do you use: kerastase volumactiv
shoes do you wear: right now, the shoes of death
are you scared of: i'm claustrophobic
number of people I would classify as true friends: a dozen
number of people I consider my enemies: none

FAVORITE:

disney movie: robin hood
word: ?
eye color: blue
flower: lily

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE:

pretty: dunno--sometimes
funny: sometimes
friendly? sometimes
amusing: sometimes
ugly: sometimes
loveable: my parents and cats seem to think so
sweet: sometimes
dorky: most of the time

DESCRIBE YOUR:

Wallet – grey, old, plain or large blue, tan and black, but too big to fit in most purses
Jewellry worn daily – a watch, silver earrings, and three silver rings
Pillow cover – right now I think it's white with an ivy print on it
Underwear – uhh . . . no thanks
Favorite shirt – flannel, oversized and cozy
Perfume/cologne/scent: etermity for men
CD in stereo right now – bell x1, "Music in Mouth," the Rags, "monsters & i" and "me & the moon"

meme

2005-09-06T21:06:00.000-07:00

Stolen from Aunt Vanessa . . .

Seven things I plan to do before I die:
1. graduate
2. find a real, adult job
3. become financially independent
4. get my dissertation published as a book
5. clean my apartment
6. travel
7. retire

Seven things I can do:
1. knit (scarves, nothing fancy)
2. write (though how well might be a matter of opinion)
3. make a mean assortment of desserts
4. play the viola
5. throw a great party
6. sing a kick a$$ karaoke version of "Sweet Child o' Mine"
7. recite all the prepositions in alphabetical order (aboard, about, above, across, after, against, along, amid . . .) and two soliloquy's from MacBeth that I memorized in the 9th grade ("Is this a dagger, which I see before me? It's handle toward my hand?" ) Yes, I know. It's freakish.

Seven things I cannot do:
1. Remember where I put my keys or parked my car
2. calculus equations
3. speak any foreign languages
4. kickbox
5. play the piano
6. imagine spatial relationships
7. stay mad when someone has asked me to forgive them

Seven things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1. eyes
2. smile
3. british/irish accent
4. confidence
5. intelligence
6. taste in music
7. sense of humor

Seven things I say most often:
1. What's up?
2. Hey . . .
3. WTF?
4. yeah
5. m*therf*ucker
6. okay then
7. I have no idea.

Seven celebrity crushes:
1. kyle secor
2. matt damon
3. cillian murphy
4. chris noth
5. hugh grant
6. josh duchamel (or however you spell it)
7. jake gyllenhall

sorry, sorry, sorry!

2005-09-06T10:04:00.000-07:00

But my prolonged absence hasn't been entirely my own fault--have been having rather profound and irritating internet difficulties . . . but never fear, after four cals to my friendly neighborhood adelphia personnel, not only do I have new acquaintances in far-flung places, but the cable guy is coming to my home in a few hours to check it all out. This has reached tragic dimensions because over the weekend, not only did my internet keep hitting the fritz, but then it began to affect my TV cable too! One tivo works, the other doesn't. This is strange because they are both in the same rooom, on the same cable line, hooked into the same tv, and to my knowledge, absolutely nothing has changed in my apartment (aside from me running the vacuum cleaner!) in the last week.

I hate technology. Or rather, I should say that I hate how dependent I am on technology. I mean, it would probablt be easier for me to deal with having trouble breathing than to deal with trouble getting on-line. Part of it, I'm sure, is that I know what to do if having trouble breathing--I mean, duh! go to the doctor. but computers, that's a whole other problem.

Anyway, this is all a long way to say that I've been having some trouble with the internet connection, so I've not died, fallen off the planet, been easten by a crocodile or managed (yet) to knock myself unconscious with the 1000 page biography I should have finished by now.

It's kinda strange though because ever since I returned to the US, it seems like a lot of my stuff is breaking or breaking down or just refusing to work. I already blogged about the car. Also, have been having trouble with my toilet (the water just keeps running and running--finally broke down and called absentee flakey apartment manager yesterday), now the modem and a tivo, my cell phone (but I've known it was crap for a long time, so this is hardly surprising), and ow this AM, it turns out that my microwave doesn't work either. The cup of tea that I forgot about and wanted to reheat was just a icy when it came out of the microwave as it was when it went in. . . oh well, didn't need a hot beverage anyway. . . .

I hope this is all setting me up for a run of unqualified success since the job market looms. the list of open academic positions comes on-line in two weeks . . .

I'm Ba-ack!

2005-08-16T09:32:00.000-07:00

Thank you to British Airways for getting back in the air so quickly and not leaving me stranded in Heathrow like so many other folks! Thanks to my friend A. for taling care of my boys while I was away, and to my friend M. for picking me up at the airport. Finally, thanks to whoever broke into my car and stole my dashboard computer while I was away, to Honda of Hollywood for alerting me, not of engine trouble but theft, State Farm for filing my claim and having a deductible that is much smaller than the bill would have been had there been engine trouble . . . Finally thanks to the Enterprise folks for picking me up at work and saving me from the MTA bus last night after hours.

Will blog about the trip in a bit, but have to get to work!

Guten tag!

2005-07-28T13:55:00.000-07:00

Greetings from germany!
Here I am, after 2 very long days of travel and an equally long (but much more enjoyable) day of academics. Amazing that I arrived here at the hotel yesterday at 5PM, jumped in the shower, changed and dashed off to the opening talk and reception. After spending only a few hours with some of these people, I feel like I have known some of them for years, and have made some good friends (aided, I'm sure, in my case by jet-lag induced delirium!). And how cool (in myvery geeky way) to met a group of people who are all as interested in the same things as I am (if not even moreso). I sincerely wish that it was a longer occasion since most of the group are leaving tomorrow after the final talk (I'm staying until SaturdayAM with only two others). But the cool thing about academia is that even though you don't see these friends very often, you will see them again eventually at another conference or some such event. Still, I'm sad that I'll 'lose' my friends so soon, though I'm quite excited about the second part of the trip.

Blogging and email are made more difficult here by the strange german keyboard, which has relocated just enough letters and punctuation marks to really screw up what tenuous typing skills I had managed to acquire over the last few years.

My paper isn't up until tomorrow (first thing). So far everyone had done a good job, and I've reallty enjoyed the discussions (though I really hit an intellectual wall in the afternoon--thanks to the 9hr time change!). I'm glad I'm first tomorrow though because even for those who had much less jet-lag, there was a level of fatigue that set in as the day wore on. In AM, hopefully everyone will be fresh and ready to go. I read over the paper again before dinner, and though I was horrified by a couple fatigue inuced stylistic infelicities (AKA typos), I think I raise some interesting points, and I'm looking forward to this first non-peer/colleague feedback on my project. There are some problems with the paper that I recognized after hearing one of the other discussions today (I confused the artist who produced the dust jacket design with the artist that did the frontispiece--had it backwards, which I need to correct) but that's easy enough to correct.

cross your fingers for me!

bon voyage

2005-07-26T08:52:00.000-07:00

So in a few hours, I am on my way halfway around the world. How ridiculous is it that i have to spend some 15 hours in transit to get to a place I'll only be for 3 days (germany)--thank god I'm not turning around and coming right back. I'm nervous (but I always get really nervous before i fly), I've overpacked, and I already miss my little gray cats horribly (and they know sommething is up because the big backpack is out of the closet, and that only happens when mom leaves for long stretches).

Anyway, I need to unpack and repack and see if I can eliminate a few items from my wardrobe . . . always end up wearing the same three things anyway . . . so what's they use in carrying around so much other stuff, except that it is hard to predict weather over there . . . ugh.

Will try to post from the road, but I fear it will be sporadic, so please don't abandon skylarkin' just yet. In the meanwhile, everyone have a great few weeks, and I'll be typin' to ya! (PS--Jazz and anyone else reading who may be taking the bar: GOOD LUCK!)
Cheers!

A Case In Point

2005-07-21T21:06:00.000-07:00

Last week, there was a debate on another blog that I like a lot: Gina’s Rant Spot. The issue was dating and relationships and the communication gap between the sexes where men think that women are all holding out for adonises (Jasmine, this may not apply to you ;) ), and women consequently are all unapproachable. My point was that plenty of men just don’t approach and use that as a convenient excuse. Let me be clear, however, about something, which is this: not any approach will do. Play it casual, don’t put too much pressure on the encounter. If you just want to have a conversation, that’s cool. It may lead to more, it may not, but if that’s what we’re talking about, I have no problem with you approaching me and saying “Hey, what’s up?” or whatever. If you have some other convoluted schemata or if you want way more than that from the get go, I’m put off immediately. Hence the case in point.

Yesterday, instead of coffee bean, I went to Starbucks—was meeting a friend for dinner, so I went in to Westwood early and was planning on reading some of the papers I have to get through before I head for point European next week. The Starbucks I chose was one quite close to campus, so a lot of students hang out there. I get my iced tea (on a hot day like yesterday, their passion fruit tea is TO DIE FOR, but the way).

It was hot yesterday—really hot. East coast humid, sticky hot. So in an effort to trick myself into feeling cool (and so that I wouldn’t wear clothes I am planning on packing!), I wore a dress—it was blue. Blue to me says, cool. Anyway, guess I was kinda dressed up, but that’s not the point, though it is relevant, I guess.

As I’m in line, I see a friend from the English Dept., so I put my stuff down on an open table and then go talk to her for a few minutes before settling down to work. I read for probably about an hour or 90 minutes and then I notice this napkin on my table. I was pretty sure it hadn’t been there when I sat down. I know I didn’t get any napkins. And I had been sitting there the whole time, so I have no idea when it got deposited on the table.

I go back to my work.
Eventually, my cup, which I had been refilling from a huge bottle of water I had brought with me once I finished my tea, started to sweat, so I picked up the napkin to put it under the drippy cup. As I am in the process of doing this, I notice that there is something written inside the napkin:

“You’re cute,” it said, “but are you 40% post-consumer?”

Hmmm. Smart, funny . . . but oh so elementary school, and where the Hell did it come from? I look around and see this 19 yr old employee looking at me. Great. The coffee guy has a crush on me—hey wait, free refill? Probably not. Besides, I’d have noticed a Starbucks guy walking pas the table with one of those uniforms on. Back to work.

Another hour passes and suddenly this guy that I had noticed when I first arrived because of his bad Hawaiian print shirt speedwalks past me from behind and as he passes he throws another napkin on my table. It’s obvious this time:

“DID YOU READ THE FIRST NAPKIN????”

Now, at this point I felt irritated, harassed, and embarrassed. What am I supposed to say now? “Uh, yeah, I read it.” Then what? I felt like I was back in 2nd grade on the playground passing notes. Why didn’t this guy just say something? Why the cryptic napkin notes? Would that work for anyone? All I know is that I was kinda turned off before I knew who it was from. It was like I had my own personal geeky stalker, except that he wouldn’t actually say anything or even look up and make eye contact. Weird.

No thank you.
I couldn’t stay there very long after that. I wanted to keep reading, but I didn’t want to risk getting another napkin on the table, so I pretended like I got a phone call and left.

If the same exact guy had just found a way to say something normal, like "what did you order? It looks good" or "Do you know what time it is?" or even "Man, it's HOT today. . ." I'd have at least responded by saying "Passion Fruit Iced Tea, you should try it some time--it's really good!" or "It's whatever o'clock." or "Yeah, it's like being on the east coast, it's so humid." And if I wanted to, I'd have just kept on going (with the conversation), or I'd have answered his question and gone back to what I was doing. I don;t know if he thought he was being clever or cute, or if he was just socially retarded (he looked like an engineer, so this is a possibility, and I say that with an engineer in my family!). . .

Cutesy, flirty gimmicks tend to mot work for me unless i'm already dating the guy. maybe I'm just too cynical, but I feel like those tricks are commpletely hollow when spent on complte strangers. It's more about the guy wanting to be seen and see himself as the kind of guy who can pick up random girls in Starbucks, and not at all about the girl herself. Of course, if Matt Damon or my latest crush, started dropping napkins on my table at starbucks, I'd swoon, even if the napkin had a piece of chewed gum in it, so perhaps it is all relative and I'm completely, impossibly unapproachable after all. Now if someone would just pass that on to napkin boy and the email guy from this weekend, we'd be in business . . .

Who wants to Marry a Millionaire?

2005-07-19T21:00:00.000-07:00

So yesterday, despite the fact that I had only 2 appointments all day (that's a SLOW day, and Thursday won't be that way--it's already booked solid) Anyway . . . despite the fact that I baasically had nothing to do, yesterday was an awesome day at work. Here's why:

One of my coworkers (in another dept.) has a student who wants to change her internship. this is not usually allowed because students need to spend a certain amount of time in the workplace over the course of several weeks. That doesn't mean that if someone is having a horrible time that we make them stay there, but rather that unless there is something legitimately wrong, we don't let them just change horses midstream.

So one of my coworker's students wants to leave what sounds like a perfectly good PR internship to work at "The Millionaire's Club." What is the Millionaire's club, you ask? Ahh . . . this is what I spent my morning finding out. The Millionaire's Club is a matchmaking service, for, you guessed it, millionaires. Men in select cities can pay anywhere from $10-30K (that's per year!) to join, and for this fee, they get fixed up with women who have passed an apparently rigorous screening process. The women don't pay anything to join (surprise, surprise!) but they have to first submit professional photographs (no "glamour shots," whatever that means) and fill out an application which asks questions like

"Would you date a man 10-15 years older that you?"
"What are your measurements: hips? waist? bust? (please include cup size)
"Have you had a restraining order filed against you? If so, for what?"
"Have you had alcohol or substance abuse problems? If so, which?"
"Would you date a man you is shorter than you?"
"Which is more important, looks or money?"

etc. etc. etc. According to one article, the turn down 80% of women who apply.

Apparently, the woman who runs this organization (she called our office yesterday trying to convince us to let the intern switch) screens all the men and women personally, and she tells the men some pretty hard truths. She has been known to recommend personal trainers and exercise plans, teeth-whitening, plastic surgery (!), and a complete wardrobe overhaul (and for a mere $800, she'll take them shopping herself!). These men get matched up with various women, and the odds are pretty stacked in their favor. Even the speed-dating events (which go on for 5 hours and cost $3000) have 10 men and 50 women.

But lest you think any millionaire can pay the dues and start dating golddiggers, apparently the men have to undergo a pretty tough screening process too. They don't have to provide tax returns or anything, but the service evalautes their home(s) and their car(s), and their friends and relatives are interviewed as well. Only 150 men can belong at any given time, and according to a few articles, there is quite the wait list.

I don't know, I think I'd make a pretty good trophy wife--I'm educated, I'm reasonably attractive--granted, my hair is dirty blonde, not platinum, and I haven't had plastic surgery or anything . . . but a millionaire could do worse, and I'd be able to just read and write my little heart out and not worry about the job market or other such nonsense.

But since I tend to prefer guys who are my own age or within about a five year window, and I tend to prefer guys who are at least as tall as I am (5' 6) and in reasonably good shape, I should probably stick with my tivo. But if you want to check it out (and you really should, if only for the entertainment of it all), click the link for the Millionaire's Club.

in case you care

2005-07-19T11:54:00.000-07:00

another meme:
What I was doing 10 years ago:

I was 22, and it was 1995 . . . let’s see, it was summer, so I wasn’t taking classes, but I was in State College. I was dating my college boyfriend, reading a lot of F. Scott Fitzgerald for my undergrad thesis, living upstairs from my favorite bar ever (Zeno’s, located directly above the center of the earth) . . . and enjoying being young and living in a college town with lots of young people, cool bands, and cheap food and drink specials.

What I was doing 5 years ago:

I was two years into the ph.d. and just about to have my heart broken by the on-off boyfriend mentioned below. I was teaching the first of many SAT classes and starting to prepare for my first round of qualifying exams.

What I was doing 1 year ago:

I was a couple weeks into a new job on campus, I was getting ready for a trip east for a wedding, and trying to get my head around the fact that my baby brother would be getting married in the fall. Not an easy thing to digest since I wasn't even dating anyone at the time.

What I was doing yesterday:

Office hours until the afternoon, and it was really, really slow, so I did a lot of surfing on the internet. I’ll blog about my favorite discovery later. Then I came home and began to revise my paper for the final time before sending off to the conference organizer. I finally sent it off—though technically, that happened very early today instead of yesterday . . .

5 snacks I enjoy:

Doritos
Hard pretzels
Frozen blueberries
Microwave popcorn
Pink lady apples

5 songs I know all the words to—don;’t like this category, so I’m updating to my five favorite karaoke songs:

it’s too late (carole king)
torn (Natalie imbrulia)
have you ever seen the rain (Creedence Clearwater Revival)
getting jiggy wit it (will Smith)
and my favorite:
Sweet Child o’ Mine (Guns and Roses)

5 Things I would do with $100 million:

buy a convertible (bmw z4, black)
buy a house (no more rent, no more landlord, and no more noisy neighbors)
save the whales
have a 3 day party and
hire all my favorite bands to play

5 locations I would like to run away to:

vegas
carmel
Philadelphia
London
cabo

5 bad habits I have:

sarcasm
dirty looks
biting my nails
procrastinating on the internet
giving in to mood swings

5 things I like doing:

procrastinating on the internet
walking/running with my ipod
rollerblading at the beach
reading detective novels
watching tv

5 things I would never wear:

5 inch platforms
anything chartreuse
unflattering jeans
pasties
gold lame

5 TV shows I like (only 5?! But there are so many!):

Veronica Mars
ALIAS
the 4400
the Dead Zone
Homicide
Grey’s Anatomy
Crossing Jordan
Big Brother
the OC-trash, but good music
LOST
the Law and Order Franchise
the CSI franchise

5 Biggest joys of the moment:

Winston
Owen (my 2 cats)
Tivo
Fresca
The fact that my advisor liked my paper

5 Favorite toys:

tivo 1
tivo 2
ipod
ibook
? don’t think I have other toys at the moment, but I think having two tivos should get me bonus points here . . .

alas . . .

2005-07-14T19:06:00.000-07:00

One of the things that I hate most in the world is poor phone etiquette. By this, I don't mean talkining on the phone at inappropriate times (like in the movies) or having your cell go off during a quiet time (again, the movies is a good example). These things annoy me, but they don't piss me off nearly as much as the following:
a) telling someone that you'll call them and not following through
b) failure to return a call when someone leaves a message which says explictly, "please call me back."
c) screening calls in an effort to avoid potentially awkward conversations

My ex was notorious for all of these kinds of behavior, and it was both the most obnoxious and most painful of his regular behaviors. I say regular to distinguish these from his cheating, which was both far more obnoxious and painful, but happened irregularly (as far as I know).

But my ex is not the only one guilty of bad phone behavior. There are scores of people in my life who practice these habits on an annoying regular basis. Take, for example, my friend D. It was his birthday over the weekend, so on Monday, i called him, both to wish him a happy birthday and to see if he wanted to get together for happy hour at one of the local watering holes (this, after a conversation a few days earlier along the lines of, "hey, we should check out the happy hour at XBar again sometime soon). In no way was this to be construed as anything more than friends, but has he called me back? Of course not. It's as if I have been stricken with leprosy and no one has bothered to tell me.

What is the problem? How difficult is it to phone back, or if that's too hard, to send a quick email? Either my friend is an innconsiderate clod and I've somehow failed to notice before now (possible), I've done something to offend (unlikely since we almost never see each other), or he's doing something that he thinks I'll disapprove of like dating one of his students or former students (sadly, also possible, and if I'm betting, my money's on this one).

On a completely unrelated note, got word back from advisor regarding upcoming conference paper, and he think's it's good. My advisor is rather stingy with the praise, so for him to say "It's shaped up nicely and you should feel confident sending it out" roughly translates to "You are the most brilliant student I've ever had! It rocks!" Well, perhaps I exaggerate a little bit, but it's high praise indeed. Have started to get other papers for the conference, and while I've printed them out, am refraining from reading them though, because I'm kind of afraid that if I read them before sending my own out, it will send me into a downlward spiral of a neurotic inferiority complex . . . and who needs that, really?

But in 12 days, I'll be on my way . . . and in 5 the paper has to be fine-tuned to death and out of my hands either way. I'm aiming to send it off before then. And yet "July," despite the fact that it's almost half over, still seems like a mere speck on the horizon.

And finally, my Coffee Bean sighting of the day:
Henry Simmons
(Det. Baldwin Jones from NYPD Blue)

Perkins, I'll miss you . . .

2005-07-12T21:10:00.000-07:00

So according to several sources, our terrific President (yeah, sorry to my conservative friends, I'm being sarcastic. I can't help it. It's a sickness) has proposed not only cutting the federal contribution to the Perkins Loan program, but elimiating the program altogether.

Now in case you aren't aware, Perkins Loans are one source of financial aid to help fund undergraduate ($4000/year) and graduate ($6000/year) education. They have a low interest rate (usually around 5%) and are paid to students directly from the school.

Eliminating programs like the Perkins Loan is just another way of reinscribing, or dare I say it, reinforcing, the class structure in the United States. It's one thing when a student opts to go to an expensive private college like Harvard or Stanford or Williams or Smith or the like . . . It's another thing when you apply to a state school and still can't afford to cover costs. In-state tuition and fees for UCLA are almost $7100/yr, but that's on the cheap side as far as state schools are concerned. Michigan costs $8200 for 1st or 2nd year students, $9200 for juniors and seniors. Note, none of these figures include room and board--we're talking tuition only. The cost doubles, when you factor in the dormitories.

So we'll go back to the days when college is only available to the upper class. Might I be exaggerating, I suppose so, but if 4 years at the state college is going to run upwards of $60,000 (or more), for one child, how are regular people going to afford it? I mean those who fall into the ever-widening gap of "not poor enough for financial aid" and :not rich enough to pay for college."

Though I suppose it would solve the recruitment problem that the armed forces have been dealing with over the last several months . . .

Sunday Meme . . .

2005-07-10T22:03:00.000-07:00

I'm having a hard time thinking of something to write about today . . . I'm still profoundly saddened by what's going on in London, though over here, at least in LA, it's like nothing happened. Maybe it's because it was on a smaller scale than 9/11 or maybe it's because it happened in another country on the other side of the world . . . But aside from a tribute on the tower records sign, you'd never know. and that troubles me more than anything else.

But in an attempt to think about something lighter, here's today's task:

(More than) 25 Bands I've seen (in as close to chronological as I can remember):

1) Bryan Adams (w/ the Hooters opening)
2) U2 (Joshua Tree tour, though I also saw the Zoo TV tour in college)
3) the Ocean Blue and Mighty Lemon Drops (I got grounded for this one because I disobeyed my parents and went when they expressed told me I wasn't allowed to go, but I was 16 and had my drivers license, so I lied and said my friend and I were going to the movies. I still don't know how they found out that I wasn't where I said I was. . .)
4) the Affordable Floors (a local Pittsburgh band that I absolutely loved when I was in high school--saw them a bunch of times in a bunch of places, including Graffiti, Point State Park, opening for another band at the Starlight Amphitheatre, and my high school auditorium)
5) Depeche Mode (Violator@ Starlight--one of my favorite memories is being there on a beautiful clear summer night and hearing them play, "Waiting for the Night" and Songs of Faith and Devotion@ Civic Arena)
6) Sinead O'Connor (this one was a real disappointment because she only played for like a half an hour and then left the stage saying that she didn't feel well. Oh well, the songs she did were amazing, and the Affordable Floors opened so it wasn't a total wash)
7) Lollapollooza--the one with Pearl Jam, Nietzer Ebb, and the Red Hot Chili Peppers--my favorite was Pearl Jam.
8) Toad the Wet Sprocket--Have seen them more times than I can count, but the first time was the Fear tour ("All I Want"), even saw them open up for Hootie and the Blowfish, and despite what you might think, that Hootie guy can really sing!
9) the Flaming Lips: back in the "She don't need jelly" days . . .
10) the Dirges--my favorite college band. I still miss you guys and those nights at the Brewery!
11) Buffalo Tom--another college band favorite--saw them at PSU, in DC, in New England, and even a couple times out in California.
12) the Jayhawks
13) Son Volt
14) Live
15) Tori Amos w/ Dog's Eye View
16) 10,000 Maniacs--great show at Hershey Park, but I also saw Natalie Merchant do a solo show at Eisnehower Auditorium at PSU--Innocence Mission opened for them . . .
17) Third Eye Blind--a complete disappointment, especially because it was my birthday. They SUCKED live, and meeting the singer afterwards was a total letdown too--he's an ass.
18) Our Lady Peace
19) Love Spit Love (originally there was a band caled "Love Circle Logic" in this slot, but I didn't want to have to renumber everything again!)--Richard Butler has a scary wing/arm-span
20) Whiskeytown (and hung out with Ryan Adams after the second show--took him to get coffee and cigarettes at the local uni-mart, and then got to see the tour bus and meet the rest of the band. RA has a serious case of ADD, either that or the man really is a genius in the "eccentric and no social skills but totally brilliant kinda way"--he had a really disquieting way of getting to the heart of the matter--and apparently, I hadn't had enough trouble in my life. He said to me that I needed to get into some trouble: "I don't mean that you should hold up a liquor store or anything, but you need some trouble." Disconcerting how a complete and utter stranger could tell that I'd lived such a completely sheltered life . . . but he was right.
21) Wilco--Jeff Tweedy had to cancel the second night of this tour ("Summerteeth") because his father-in-law passed away. Luckily, I had tickets for the first night
22) Golden Smog: this alt-country supergroup with members of Wilco, the Jayhawks, Soul Asylum, and Big Star . . . if you like wilco or son volt or that kind of music, you should check out their albums! They're terrific
23) Goo Goo Dolls (Buffalo Tom was opening)
24) Sparklehorse--my first show at the troubadour!
25) Glen Phillips--former frontman of Toad the Wet Sprocket
26) Rubyhorse
27) Pete Yorn--saw him three times, oncein the Tower Records parking lot
28) RADIOHEAD at the Hollywood Bowl. This was one of thhe best concerts I've ever seen! An amazing night, and despite the fact that I was way, way in the back (the Skybox, my friend termed it), it was amazing.
29) and then the concert that changed my life: Damien Rice and THE FRAMES. If you've read my blog at all, you know how important this show was to me. It was the first one that I went to by myself, and by was I nervous! But I loved the Frames so much that it didn't even matter . . . changed my life!
30) the Shins
31) Death Cab for Cutie (seen them twice)
32) Jesse Malin
33) the Killers
34) Keane
35) Snow Patrol
36) the Black Eyed Peas--I would have never gone to this one on my own, but they did a benefit for the Kerry campaign, so as a volunteer for the campaign, I got to go for free. Turns out, they were absolutely AMAZING live. I'd definitely see them again.
37) Joseph Arthur
38) Kaiser Chiefs (2x--and for the record, I have no idea what the big deal is with Morningwood--they suck, though if you like women who try to shake themselves out of their low-cut tops, then maybe you'd like them)
39) Bloc Party (2x) believe the hype!
40) Stars
41) Josh Rouse
42) the Frames (headlining this time!--with Mark Geary)
43) Kasabian
44) Glen Hansard (frontman for the Frames)
45) Crooked Fingers (new band from the former frontman from the Archers of Loaf)
46) doves
47) Spoon
48) Bell X1 (2x)

This isn't everything, but it's a pretty good recollection of my life in bands . . .
missing, are, I'm sure, lots of bands I went to see in college at this club called the Crowbar--amazingly, lots of pretty big name bands played they because Penn State is mid-way between Pittsburgh and Philly, Pittsburgh and NYC, Pittsburgh and DC

And on the horizon (despite my concert moratorium to save money for my trip), once more: THE FRAMES, (do you see a trend here?) this time with Josh Ritter.

Have a Good Week!
:)

Erin go Bragh!

2005-07-05T22:39:00.000-07:00

So I'm going to Europe in--YIKES--three weeks! The first part (and the motivating factor) is a conference in Frankfurt Germany, where I'll get to discuss my work with other academics who study William Carlos Williams. Unlike many academic conferences where you just show up and read your paper to a captive audience (unless the conference is in a place like NYC in which case you read you paper to the other two people who are on your panel and the poor schmuck that is moderating--I've been both), this conference requires each participant to email their paper to the rest of the group about a week before so that we can all read each other's work before we get there. Guess what I'll be doing on the plane? But seriously, once we're there, we all get about 15 mintes to introduce our work and contextualize it, and then the group talks about it or asks questions for an hour, and then it's on the the next person. It should be really great--and hey--Germany!

But the second part of the trip is what I'm really excited about because after the conference, I'm off to Ireland for two weeks--Dublin, then a couple days in Galway City, and then up to Sligo for Yeats Summer School. I finalized my accomodations today (after dropping a chunk of change on travel guides at the bookstore today . . .)

But suddenly, it is occurring to me that
A) I'll be in Germany in three weeks (well, in exactly three weeks, I'll be somewhere over the atlantic ocean en route to germany, but . . .)
B) I need to get cracking and finish my chapter on Williams before I go so that I can start Yeats with a clean slate.
C) When I start Yeats, I'm starting the third of my three dissertation chapters--EEE!!!
D) When I get back from my 3 week trip--I will be eating Ramen Noodles for a good three months.

As an unrelated side-note, as I write this, a preview for "Willie Wonka" was just on. I had forgotten haw absolutely terrifying that movie was. Not only does Johnny Depp look downright FREAKY, but those OOmpah-Loompahs are scary! And I may have to start saying in my best London accent, "Daddy, EYE, Wahnt an Ooompah Loompah, and Eye wahnt it NOW!" (phonentically, of course!)

The History of Psychiatry

2005-06-27T12:54:00.000-07:00

Let me preface this post with two remarks.
1) this is in response to a post on the JK about Tom Cruise's controversial interview on the Today Show with Matt Lauer.

2) Tom, I'm a fan of your movies. I like them a lot. I like Katie Holmes, and I hope that despite what everyone else says or seems to think) that the two of you are in love and will live happily ever after. I'm quite serious about this.

But the comments you have made on the Today Show to Matt Lauer, berating and belittling him, some might even say trying to bully, because he "doesn't know the history of psychiatry, and [you] do," are, quite simply, absurd. First of all, I doubt that this is true since you didn't attend college. I suppose that you could have studied it on your own, but outside of an academic environment, at the risk of coming off as an elitist intellectual snob, your studies are liable to be biased and incomplete. You seem to misunderstand what history is, and the limitations of this kind of knowledge--the JK details this nicely.

My point is this--even if we set all of this aside and accept that you have become schooled in the history of psychiatry, it doesn't matter. You could be a complete expert in Freud, his practices and his publications. You could have studied the history of the asylum, how "lunaticks" were treated back in the day, metods for dealing with hysterics, etc. None of that is at all relevant to current psychiatric practices, treatments, or diagnoses. If you don't have a medical degree, and you don't, then you have no authority in this arena.

Furthermore, someone should point out to Mr. Cruise that all drugs are not created equal. Ther is a huge qualitative difference between prescription medication and illegal street-drugs. Mr. Cruise seems to assume that "Say No to Drugs" means, say no to all drugs. In other words, he equates heroin with ritalin, methamphetamines with anti-depressants. Yes, anti-depressants and ritalin are over-prescribed in the US, but there are certain instances when they have provided much needed relief.

Another obscure quizilla

2005-06-26T09:35:00.000-07:00

This time:
Which Pixies song are you?

You are Debaser!

Okay, since all of my attempts to add the image that explains what that means have failed, I'll have to try something else:

"You're one cool cookie. You love movies, especially obscure ones, and you talk about them all the time (ed note: I don't think this part is true, so please substitute bands or books for movies above). Even if people don't understand what you are talking about, they stick around anyway because you're so much fun to be around. You don't always stand out in a crowd, but you can often be identified by your cluster of groupies and fans. You're usually the one throwing all the good parties, too.

Speaking of parties, it's been a long time since I've thrown one. I wish I could throw another one sooner instead of later, but my forthcoming trip prohibits the added expense. Anyway . . .

If you build it they will come . . .

2005-06-25T14:14:00.000-07:00

A new Coffee Bean opened just up the street from me about two weeks ago. I’m there now. It’s in a prime Sunset Strip location, next door to Tower Records. This is my first visit to this coffee bean, only my 3rd coffee bean experience overall (I’m a Starbucks girl). In the hour or so that I’ve been sitting here, banging away at my dissertation (well, the conference paper that is being distilled from part of my dissertation), there has been a steady stream of people, despite the abysmally small parking lot (though it is more accessible than some LA parking lots) and the fact that there is a C.B. just up the street about 5 blocks away. Of course, now that I think about it, that one probably doesn’t have a parking lot. Update: from my position as fly on the counter, it seems that the other location has closed, or rather migrated. That makes a bit more sense.

But it’s a nice C.B.—the inside doesn’t offer a whole lot in the way of seating options, but unless you’re me on a laptop that it impossible to read in sunlight, why on earth would you want to sit inside in Southern California when you can sit Strip-side and watch the world go by? The beauty of the patio is not just the fire pit and cute white lights strung overhead, but also the proximity to Sunset Blvd without feeling like you are actually sitting in the middle of traffic.

But so far, except for the ants, which occasionally crawl across the countertop and try to hide under my computer (I sense a B rating coming on!), I like it here. It’s walking distance; it’s not my apt.; good music (so far today, Badly Drawn Boy, the Jayhawks and the Shins among others); it’s good people watching (earlier today, I saw the actor that played Richard on Melrose Place—of course, this probably means nothing to anyone but me—one of the curses of having a mind like a steel trap when it comes to remembering faces is that other people don’t share these recollections most of the time. This can lead to awkward conversations where I’m introduced to someone I’ve met (and they don’t remember)—I’m never sure whether to play along and pretend like I don’t remember, or whether to point out that we met a while ago at XYorZ. Another familiar scenario (at least in LA) is when I recognize some obscure actor and then have to try to explain who they are, what they’ve been in . . . For some reason I never seem to see the A-Listers anymore. I mean, once inn a while, it would be nice to see Matt Damon or Nicole Kidman . . . I mean, even my Katie Holmes sighting happened 6 years ago when she was still “that girl from Dawson’s Creek—no, not the blonde, Joey—the other girl from Dawson’s Creek—the brunette . . . oh, forget it.”

But on another, unrelated, note: Was blessed to see Irish band Bell X1 two nights in a row in LA. Sometimes, I really do love living here! (FYI: they’re the ones whose song is playing during the infamous and immortal lesbian kiss on the OC!) Despite the fact that I had to suffer the Viper Room scene alone (and I do mean suffer and scene), it was a terrific show—the lads rocked the house, quite literally. Then the next night, I got to go to the acoustic set and the much cooler Hotel Café for free (Thanks KCRW!) Though the band sounded great both nights, I preferred the second set because the venue and the crowd were just way more my scene. There were a bunch of us at both shows—I recognized probably 6 or 7 faces from the previous evening, but the setting made a huge difference. Cheaper, better drinks (no full bar at HC, but Boddingtons on draught—$5! Can’t beat that unless it’s happy hour somewhere!) Anyway, thanks to Bell X1 for two great shows, and many happy returns!

"Miles to go before I sleep . . ."

2005-06-20T09:04:00.000-07:00

This most seems to wander a bit, but bear with me. I'm getting my typing fingers back after somme time away from the keyboard. Graduation weekend is over. My houseguests, dear brother and sister-in-law, have departed after quite an eventful few days, and I am "student-free" for the next week. What that means is all I have to worry about for the next 6 days is my dissertation and conference paper, AKA downtime (or as close to it as one in graduate school is likely to get). I kinda forget how to function without juggling 17 different tasks simultaneously.

But the downside is that summer has officially begun. I know for most people this isn't a downside at all, but of course, I'm not most people. I don't like summer. Since moving to Los Angeles, I never have. Here's why:

In the summertime, campus is a dead zone. There are no people around. Friends scatter to the four-corners of the earth, and a few don't return. Basically, it is a very isolating and lonely time, and I'm one who doesn't deal well with isolation or loneliness. During the year, I'm fine because I get my people fix in class or in office hours, or even at the computer lab. . . but these spaces are all empty now until October. And what is worse, is that now I've been here long enough that most of my long-time friends are getting jobs and moving away. I don't begrudge anyone their success, but it does kind of suck to have your friendships feature a built in expiration date.

Well, that's not entirely accurate, because it's not like we stop being friends, but of course, those friendships change when geographic proximity shifts and you speak only once every few months or in some cases once a year instead of every few days.

But also part of what is going on is that I'm tryng to face the fact that this time next year, it could be me who is packing up and leaving town for parts unknown. Maybe not, given the current job market, but it is possible and something I need to get 'round to accepting. But for now, in order to get there (and really, what is more important, to just get done), I need to focus, so I'm glad about this week which allows me to get my head back into my work (after another mental leave of absence). If there was one thing that was brought home to me this week sitting through graduation ceremonies, etc. it is that I have much to do between now and next June.

Two Weddings in as Many Days

2005-06-14T12:26:00.000-07:00

So, as some of you know, I’m a musician. I play viola (keep your viola jokes to yourself—I guarantee I’ve heard them all and have the psychic scars to prove it). Anyway, because a friend and fellow-violist is about to give birth, I’m filling in for her over the summer with a string quartet. The quartet gets hired routinely to play weddings, engagement parties, birthday parties, and other assorted soirees (including a date for an episode of the bachelor a couple seasons ago—I didn’t get to play that one). So in the last 48 hours, I’ve been to two weddings of complete strangers—one Sunday evening and one Monday evening. I’ve not been to weddings on Sunday or Monday before (though I did go to a Friday night one once). It’s pretty interesting to attend weddings when you don’t know the people involved because you get an entirely different perspective on the choices that people make with regards not only to the music, but all the other little details that go into the occasion, from the dresses to the flowers, to the setting to even the time of day—both of these were 5:30 ceremonies.

Typically, what happens is that we’ll show up around 4:40 for a 5:00 booking, and we’ll set up and play while the guests arrive, then we’ll play for the processional and recessional, and finally, we’ll play for an hour or so while the guests are served cocktails and appetizers. Both of these weddings were outside—one in the cool sunshine of Pacific Palisades (near to the beach, but not oceanfront), the other at a beautiful, but sweltering garden near Pasadena (inland, so typically 10-20 degrees warmer than the beach).

I like playing weddings because it’s pretty easy to make people happy. The audiences tend to be very appreciative (though pre-ceremony jitters can be contagious), and the music is usually pretty easy—deceptively easy sometimes . . . but familiar songs that guests recognize and like: Eine Kleine Nachtmusik, Pachebel’s Canon, Handel’s Water Music, Brandenburg Concertos (I guarantee you would recognize these if you heard them unless you’ve been living under a rock with no audio for the last few centuries!).

Yesterday’s ceremony was especially nice for the quartet because the family tipped each of us—typically, we do get paid for the gig, somewhere in the neighborhood of $600 for a two hour booking (divided 4 ways), which in case you aren’t aware, is a pretty good deal, but this was the first time that I ever got a tip! Woo Hoo! And I’m being completely serious—it was great to be appreciated. Back in college, people wanted to hire a quartet for $100 (for four people!)—they would expect us to attend the rehearsal dinner and the ceremony and play at both, as well as before and after. Talk about rip-off! The generous families would throw in dinner at the reception. Don’t get me wrong—I’m certainly not above free food, but $25 for what amounted to 4 hours of work—that’s not even minimum wage! And unlike minimum wage jobs, even then, not just anyone can pick up a stringed instrument and play . . . (well, they could, I suppose, but it wouldn’t be pretty!)

The downside of weddings is that it gets me thinking about things I don’t want to be thinking about like whether or not I will ever get married. I always kinda thought that I would, but it doesn’t seem to be in the cards anytime soon, and I’m not getting any younger, so maybe not. . . But I don’t like to think about such things because I really have little control over it. God knows I couldn’t have married my last boyfriend, though I certainly thought it might happen at the time—in retrospect, that was a “leave me at the altar” scenario waiting to happen if ever there was one. Thankfully, I’ve come to my senses and gotten clear of that, and thankfully too, I’ve never been at a wedding that didn’t actually come off . . . that would be awful.

Is it too much to ask

2005-06-09T13:38:00.000-07:00

For those folks who feel the need to post pornographic pictures on their blogs to post them far enough down the page that we don't have to view them when we hit the blog randomly? I'm seriously thinking about never using the "next blog" feature again since I just got the same blowjob picture three times in one session. Once, accidents happen; twice is enough--but three times? There are so many frickin' blogs on blogspot, that I can't help but think that someone is trying to tell me something:

Time for a random surfing hiatus.
But then I think, I'll miss out on finding more interesting blogs, and I'll miss the randomly weird blogs dedicated to "Hot Sauce" (literally, features different salsas, and spicy stuff) or carpet or lung cancer. Okay, I can do without the cancer . . . but couldn't stand to have more knowledge about carpet?

On another note,
Tom Cruise was on Leno last night, and I have to tell you, it was the performance of a lifetime. (Note, for those who might mistake that sentence for my typical sarcasm, I'm completely serious). He was charming and funny, and totally laughed about the Oprah show, even at one point, telling Jay, "I can't talk abut her. Things happen when I talk about her. For example, I'm checking out that couch, a joking Oprah reference to his jumping up and down on her couch . . . and then laughing, and with some prompting from Jay and the audience, he made his way over to the couch and parodied himself. He, in my mind, completed redeemed himself by joking about all the publicity and his own enthusiasm. He didn't apologize for it, but seemed more in control of his faculties, and still blissfully happy.

Interesting to note, however, that he committed one of my dating faux pas: that is, when asked about Katie, he said, she's a great lady. I hate it when guys use that word to refer to women. This may well be my own hangup, but I find that term inappropriate for a relationship that is supposed to be based on equality, and to me, lady doesn't imply equality. Sure it's respectful, but there's something old-fashioned about it that I just don't like. It's not unlike the guy I dated for a few weeks last fall who used the word "gal" unironically. "Gal" just bothered me. He also said "oriental" instead of Asian (note: oriental is okay when referring to rugs or Raman noodles, but otherwise, use the right word--this is not PC, it's respect). These were red flags . . .

But anyway, back to Tom--I was happy to see that he could laugh at himself and not take it all so seriously. Now if the rest of the world could just follow his cue. One final note on Cruise control--he's the first guest I've seen get up and go into the audience on Leno and actually shake guests' hands (maybe this happens off-camera sometimes, I don't know). It was really nice especially since there was a large number of military uniforms in the audience (with people in them of course!), so when he came back up on stage, he had a big sticker for the regiment on his jacket. It was really nice.

An Open Letter to Tom and Katie

2005-06-06T15:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Tom and Katie,
Congratulations on your newfound romance!
I saw the now-famous Oprah appearance, and I found it refreshing (if a tad bit over-the-top). So often, these days celebrities are so poised and collected and, well, plastic. It’s nice to see people take risks and put themselves out there. I wish that people would stop criticizing you both for being happy and giddy and silly. I love it. Maybe it’s not the best thing for your films, but frankly the films will be done in a couple months whereas your life, well, your life will still be your life. Why not express yourself and be yourself and enjoy your life—especially because you are young and beautiful and have the whole world, literally, at your fingertips?

But Tom, when you get your M.D., then you can start dispensing medical advice. Your cracks at Brooke Shields criticizing her use of anti-depressants were out-of-line and just plain wrong. Post-partum depression is real and scary and a terrible thing to have to go through. I think Brooke Shields is a bona-fide hero for coming out about her struggles and her recovery. To say that a "few vitamins and some exercise" would have solved these problems, which are recognized as a legitimate medical condition, is just ignorant. Thanks you Brooke for helping to lessen the stigmata of anti-depressant medication. If one or two more people get help from the publication of your book, then it was worth writing.

And while I'm at it, it’s all well and good for Mr. Cruise to make statements like “there is no such thing as race” on Oprah, but for Oprah, who had just held a weekend long party to honor her racial heroes, to let that remark slide . . . Well, I’m disappointed. Sure, to a wealthy, attractive, powerful, white man any number of social barriers and discriminations don’t exist: race, gender, age, physicality . . . but for the rest of us, these categories are real as are their repercussions and consequences. Also important are their incredibly rich and valuable histories and traditions. To deny all of this is ridiculous to me.

But, while I object to these two positions, I don’t object to your recent happiness, and I think you should express that joy however you want (as long as I don't have to watch you groping each other). Shame on the cynics and the doubters--so what if it happens (too?) quickly, or even if it happens to be a publicity stunt—it’s no one’s business but yours. I've never known love to be something rational and I, for one, will come to your party and celebrate with you!

Three(s) for Thursday

2005-06-02T13:08:00.000-07:00

I like lists.
Here's another one I've pillaged from Quodlibet

Three things you are wearing right now:
-khaki pants
-white button down shirt (I'm feeling very preppy today)
-my life force necklace

Three favorite bands/musical artists:
-the Frames
-Matt Pond PA
-Bloc Party

Three favorite songs (this changes by the minute, but here we are for right now):
-Rebellion (lies) by Arcade Fire
-New Hampshire by MPPA
-September by Earth Wind and Fire

Three things you want in a relationship:
-communication
-sense of humor and irony
-physical attraction

Three physical things about the preferred sex that appeal to you:
-smile
-shoulders
-tall

Three of your favorite hobbies/interests:
-reading
-going to see live music
-I'm a TV junkie

Three things that scare you:
-the current political climate in the US
-bugs with actual bodies and guts that will come out of them if stepped on
-the future (mine, specifically)

Three of your everyday essentials:
-some form of caffeine, be it coffee, tea or diet coke
-ipod
-internet

Three drugs of choice:
-caffeine
-advil
-flonase

Three favorite toys:
-ipod
-ibook
-tivo

Three careers you have considered/are considering:
-academia
-law
-hair stylist

Three places you want to go on vacation:
-Ireland
-Big Sur/Monterey
-Vegas

Three kids' names you like:
(for kids I will probably never have)
-Simon
-Owen
-Shannon.

Three things you want to do before you die:
-have a successful romantic relationship
-become financially independent
-get a real job

Three celeb crushes:
-Matt Damon
-Michael Vartan
-Hugh Grant

E is for Elvis

2005-05-31T19:02:00.000-07:00

I got this from Amanda Sue. Everyone else, put your own up so we can learn more about ya!

A is for Age - 32.

B is for Booze - a very pink cosmo, or most thinkgs with a cherry (except for a manhattan)

C is for Cookie you crave - rice krispie treats.

D is for Dating tip you'd give your son or daughter - Uh--I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Two things need to happen first: a successful relationship and procreation.

E is for Essential items to bring to a party - alcohol

F is for Favorite song at the moment - hmm tough one. Either "Drive Away" by Gratitude; "Some Things Last a Long Time" by Daniel Johnston; "Revelate" by the Frames or "New Hampshire" by Matt Pond PA

G is for Goof off thing to do - surf the web, Tivo or detective fiction

H is for Hometown - Pittsburgh, PA

I is for Instrument you play - viola

J is for Jam or Jelly you like - raspberry jam

K is for Kids - Winston and Owen (of the feline variety--and given my time frame, that's probably about as close as I'll get).

L is for Living arrangement - solo (avec mes chats).

M is for Mom’s name - Virginia.

N is for Name of first crush - Peter Chain--2nd grade.

O is for Overexposed celebrity? - Paris Hilton or Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes (though of the two I'd rather read about Cruise/Holmes).

P is for Phobias - Claustrophobia.

Q is for Quote you like - "Something there is that doesn't love a wall / That wants it down."
"Man is in love and loves what vanishes / What more is there to say?"

R is for Relationship that lasted longest - he doesn't deserve to be mentioned here (yes, it ended badly, on multiple occasions)

S is for Siblings - younger brother and now a sister-in-law

T is for Texas, ever been? - Yes: drove through northern TX when I moved to CA, and then went back on purpose to do research at U of T Austinin March 2003.

U is for Unique trait - uhh . . . I think that uniqueness is less about a single trait and more about the combination of various strengths and flaws that makes each of us individual.

V if for Vegetable you love - Carrots.

W is for Worst trait - impatience

X - is for Xtra Credit, did you ever do it in school? - always (though it was never necessary--I'm a nerd).

Y is for Yummy food you make - lots of different desserts: flourless chocolate cake, cookies and creme cake, carrot cake, mocha fudge cheesecake; susan's heavenly pie

Z is for Zodiac sign - Libra.

Let's Pretend We Don't Exist

2005-05-30T20:02:00.000-07:00

One of the things that really bugs me about los angeles is this. Any time I would go running anywhere else in the world--well, realistically, I have only gone running in two other cities, but still in both of them, no matter what time of day it was or whatever else, when you came across another runner, especially if you were approaching each other from opposite directions, you always acknowledge the other person. i don't mean that you have to stop and have a half-hour conversation or anything, but a nod, a smile, a wave, a "Hey" . . . these courtesies were the norm, and they made the whole hardship of exercise a little easier, or at least a little more pleasant.

In Los Angeles, these things don't usually happen. Most of time, it's a big deal if the other person moves over so you don't have to run in traffic. Okay, perhaps I exaggerate a little bit, but there has been more than one occasion where I have had to run into the road because the people on the sidewalk would not move over or make room for me. To be fair, however, these people tend to be tourists. But seriously, most of the time I feel like I am invisible, and that is really strange to me. I mean, in Pennsylvania, no one ever told me, "when you run, be nice to the people going the other way"; it's just the way it was. People say "Hi," you say hi back. Or people nod, and you nod back or wave or whatever. But in LA, it's as if there is some unannounced competition or something, or maybe there was an announcement, and I just didn't get the memo. . .

I miss the friendly people.

Everyday is like Sunday

2005-05-23T17:24:00.000-07:00

I think I'm recycling that title, but it's a good one, and apropos for today's
post . . .

So here are some updates:
Most importantly (to me), I presented my current chapter (or a draft of it) to my colleagues last week. I was a little nervous about this for a few reasons:
the length of my chapter (right now 14,700 words, or approx. 52 pages double spaced plus notes), the relative obscurity of the subject matter, and the hectic-ness of the quarter--it was 7th week, and people are all just swamped with work.

But there was a good turn out--14 people plus me, and that's perfectly respectable. I always worry that no one will show up to things that I host, whether it is a party, an academic panel or something else. Always, irrationally, I have this insecurity deep inside that I'm not cool, and no one will want to come to my event. This was no different, but once again, I was wrong--funny, but being wrong about this for many, many years doesn't decrease the anxiety at all.

More important than the turn-out, people actually had really good ideas and helpful suggestions, and they seemed to really have fun talking about the project. To me, that was the miracle of all miracles--not that I good smart feedback--that's not unusual for this group--but that talking about William Carlos Williams actually was fun and hip and cool for someone besides me . . . It's always hard to have a sense of perspective on your own work when your in the midst of it and I know that I was too close to be objective about the draft beyond, "I am not embarrassed to share this with my colleagues," but it was very rewarding to see the discussion really take on a life of its own.

I still have a lot of work to do, but it was great to have some validation from my peers and profs. Yay!

In other news, finally got out of my apartment for a night out with ma cousine--we always have fun together and this weekend was no exception. We had dinner at this Italian place near her house and then went to a bar down the block. Other than seeing Morrissey, the bar part of the evening was pretty much a wash . . . but the Morrissey sighting was very cool.

And just four more days until Glen Hansard at the Troubadour. I CANNOT WAIT! but "it's a long way to Fitzcarraldo" . . .

been caught stealin'

2005-05-17T11:52:00.000-07:00

Though I don't know if that's it, exactly, since I'm fessing up and citing sources . . .
But found this on another blog Mukilteo Musings, and thought it was fun in a very materialist kind of way. . .

Ten For Tuesday:

Today's Theme is brand names.
10 Brand names I can't live without:

10) PowerBar (yes, I know the regular ones are nasty, but the Oatmeal Raisin Harvest Bar is to die for!
9) Coca-Cola--I don't drink regular coke, but diet coke and fresca are serious habits of mine.
8) mossimo: the brand of white t-shirt that is an absolute staple in my wardrobe. In fact, I need to go to Target soon and pick up a few more since no white t-shirt, no matter what brand, and no matter how careful I am, stays entirely white for very long. Maybe I should come up with a new wardrobe staple. . .
7) Saucony: see posts below for my devotions to this manufacturer of running shoes.
6) Timbuk2: the coolest messenger bags around!
5) American Express: don't leave home without it . . .
4) Kiehl's: not the cheapest, but definitely the best lip balm on the market--plus it lasts forever, so in the long-run it's worth the couple extra bucks over blistex or what have you
3) citizen: maker of my favorite watch--it is powered by light, both natural and artificial, so I never have to buy another battery . . .
2) TiVo: the love of my life--it might seem sad to you, but that's because you don't have TiVo! If you did, you'd understand completely.
1) Apple: my life line, my inspiration, my entertainment, my ipod, my ibook . . . If people wonder why Gywneth named her daughter after the miracle that is apple--they must be PC-users

Seriously, it was kinda hard to come up with this list because I'm not an especially brand-oriented person, except for certain things like apple and TiVo . . . when it comes to everything else, I'm not sure I have much loyalty for a brand as a brand. Products, sure if they have good quality, durability, etc. (and, truth be told, the have to look good too, whether a cell phone or a pair of jeans, appearance is important to an extent).

What about anyone else? Can you come up with 10 brands you'll swear by? (probably should have included neutrogena on that list now that I think of it . . .)

And as a footnote--why is that the spellcheck on this program recognizes "TiVo" and still doesn't recognize "blog"? Strange indeed . . .

May-Tagged

2005-05-16T16:07:00.000-07:00

So back in my kayaking days, Maytagging was an actual verb. It was when, during the course of running a river, you flipped over in a rapid and got caught in the current. Because it felt like you were literally inside a washing machine (except for the clean part), it got named after a brand of appliances. . .

Anyway, this is how I would describe the last couple weeks of my life: one big Maytag. Between juggling my the test prep class I teach, the internship class, the orchestra, and my dissertation, that’s the best description I can think of—crazy, busy, not knowing which way is up, and not at all sure that you’ll get out of it without having drowned.

But the good news is that I distributed my chapter to my reading group, so it’s out there. That’s a huge relief, and at the same time, it’s strangely disconcerting, like one of those dreams where you are at work and you realize that you’re naked. . . except for the naked part and the sleep part! But seriously, I feel very vulnerable and exposed now that my work is out there circulating amongst faculty and peers. The group is a friendly bunch, and the only times I’ve seem it get hostile is when the presenter gets defensive and hostile first (and that’s not my personality) . . . so it should be fine.

I presented my first chapter a little over a year ago, and it was really helpful, but the main reason I volunteered again was to give myself a deadline . . . and to that end it has worked like a charm. But it is kind of sad that I need the threat of public humiliation to really motivate me to get my act together! I felt okay about the draft as it went out—obviously, it wasn’t perfect and notably lacked a conclusion (but the chapter was already 14,700+ words long, and I figured that everyone would be pretty happy to stop without the conclusion . . .), but I don’t feel ashamed of it, and I think it does reflect a certain intellectual maturity since the very early draft of chapter 1. . . Hopefully my readers will agree.

But my weekend was spent in a state of recovery (after the Saturday morning computer lab session I had to proctor)—Me and my girl Kinsey Millhone, (protagonist of Sue Grafton’s Alphabet Series) hung out. I took naps. I went shopping (GREAT SALE at ANN TAYLOR LOFT for any of you shoppers out there!) All the while, I was feeling vaguely disoriented because I couldn’t really do what I usually do on the weekend, which is work on my dissertation. But the break was kinda nice. I’m also kinda glad that it’s over and life has resumed again.

As long as I stay out of the metaphorical washing machines . . .

Separated at Birth

2005-05-11T23:43:00.000-07:00

So we had orchestra rehearsal tonight, and my conductor has been acting really weird lately. I mena, there is just something off with him these days . . . he's been manic and then really harsh and critical. I'm not sure what's going on, but I don't like it. You can just see the fun going out of people's eyes. It's not like we are professionals. We're good, but we all have other jobs, and most of them are pretty intense. I'm not the only graduate student in the group, and others are professors, lawyers, doctors, researchers . . . etc. It's not like we sit around all day watching television (okay, it's not like we sit around *most* days watching TV. . . every once in a while, I do) The point is, we all do our best and practice as much as we can, and granted, I don't practice every day--I can't. But by the time the concert gets here, I'll be able to play the piece. But the conductor just WENT OFF on some of the players tonight. Thankfully, I wasn't one of them, but even so I don't think the terror tactics are appropriate for this kind of thing. Tonight was the second time he threatened to make us all play a difficult passage solo next week. That might have been a good motivator in high school, but it's not high school. We're all there because we want to be, We don't get paid. We don't get mileage. We don't get home until 10:30 on rehearsal nights, and most of us have to get up in the AM and work the next day. Obviously we play because we want to play. There's no other reason. We don't want to suck or put on a bad concert--these things are givens, so there's no need to play the humiliation card. Someone forgot to give that memo to the conductor.

But the real reason I wanted to blog tonight was because my sometimes stand-partner came to rehearsal and looked at me and said, "Oh my God." I was like--"What? Am I bleeding?" She said, "no." and then I looked at her, and honest to god, we looked exactly alike. I don't just mean that we were dressed the same (we were: dark jeans and a white t-shirt), but we both have similar glasses, and the best part, we both had done our hair (which is of similar color) in two buns/knots. We look enough a like that we could probably convince someone that we're sisters anyway, but tonight it was like we planned to dress up as each other on purpose. The best part of the rehearsal was watching other members of the orchestra notice that we were being musical Bobbsey Twins and start cracking up at various different times. The strangest thing is that I don't know anyone else who wears her hair that way--I thought I was being all quirky this AM--guess not.

update . . . blogging for credit

2005-05-10T19:15:00.000-07:00

So after my office hours this afternoon, I ran the blogging idea by my boss, and when she finally understood what I was talking about, she freaked out about it (in a good way!) Not only does she want me to write up a proposal and implement something for summer session (which is a mere 6 weeks from now--I know it sounds like a long way away, but I have a full load of current students and a dissertation chapter to finish in the meanwhile!)

But this is a good thing, and I think it could end up being really cool--especially because one of the things I love most about my job is that I get to learn a ton about all these different professions and companies, etc., and I've often thought to myself, I wish that my other students could hear about this or that or the other thing. It never happens because we don't actually have a class. . .

But there are still things to work out:
access would likely have to be limited to students enrolled in the course, and it would have to be optional since I imagine not everyone would be as into as I am . . . I'll need to come up with guidelines, etc.

But I have a meeting with my department head later this week (my boss is not my department head--I have an appointment with the college of letter and sciences to represent my dept. so need to run it by the English folks and L&S folkd both--you think bureacracy is bad with one level at universities-try doubling the fun! Lordy, Lordy, Lordy!) Anyway, if he gives the thumbs up, I'll be meeting with tech-folks probably next week . . .

crazy.
but in a good way.

Desiree, my Desiree

2005-05-10T13:14:00.000-07:00

Oh joy of all joys, Neil Diamond is "Comin' to [my little part of] America in late September. I love Neil Diamond, or more to the point, I love what Neil Diamond represents. He's not cool like Elvis or James Dean, and yet he's this American phenomenon who can still sell out big venues . . .

Now to be clear, while I have a certain level of affection for "Sweet Caroline," in no way is this even close to my favorite Neil song. Much better are the following:

10) "Yesterday's Songs"
9) "I Am . . .I Said"
8) "Shilo"
7) "Heartlight" (would be higher if I could find a recording of this somewhere!)
6) "Love on the Rocks"
5) "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" duet w/ Barbra Streisand
4) "Desiree"
3) "September Morn"
2) "Play Me"
and my favorite Neil Diamond song . . .

1) "Forever in Blue Jeans"

Once in one of my college music classes, I actually wrote a paper analyzing the chord structure of "Play Me." I wonder what the professor made of it. We could pick whatever song we liked, and a friend of mine had the piano parts to Neil's Greatest Hits v.1, so that was my choice. Somehow, I don't think that was exactly what he had in mind, but I was never one for following the herd . . . At least it wasn't boring.

So on an unrelated note, I've been thinking about giving my students the option to keep a blog as part of the course I teach. That course is an independent study which enables students to get academic credit for their internships. At my school, getting credit involves a fair amount of work beyond the actual intern experience, but all of it is designed to help students get as much from the experience as possible. Part of that involves a weekly 2-3 page paper which is supposed to analyze some aspect of the internship--can be a reading of the office workspace, power dynamics, communication strategies, internal politics, or a million other things, and it occurred to me while reading The JK, that I too could incorporate blogging into the classroom. I still have to work a few things out before floating this idea by students, but I think that it could be really interesting and beneficial. Not only would it make these assignments seem more relevant and provide an audience for them beyond yours truly, but the students could learn from each other in a way that they can't in an independent study course. Anyway, like I said, I'll need to work some things out, but it could be a great tool.

And my final unrelated note:
This Friday is Friday the 13th!
I LOVE Friday the 13ths . . . I was born on one, but not May 13th.

New Shoes (Part Deux)

2005-05-08T13:23:00.000-07:00

Was going to respond to Jasmine's Nike comment in the comments section, but I got to going on, and figured it might as well be a full-on post. . .

When I first started running back in high school (many, many moons ago), I would only wear Nikes, and i could never figure out why I kept getting these really big and painful blisters in certain spots. Usully with other shoes, I might get blisters the first time I wore them, but then my feet would toughen up in those spots and that was that. Not the case with the Nikes--but me being me, I wore them anyway and just dealt with the blisters.

It wasn't until college that I decided that I might want to try other shoes, so I went to a Lady Foot Locker in the local mall and just tried on a bunch of different brands and styles. I couldn;t believe how much better the Sauconys felt on my feet. It was some kind of miracle! So I wore Jazz . . . in fact, come to think of it, Jasmine, I'm surprised you don't have a pair! ;) Somewhere along the line, that line changed, and I moved on the other designs but always wore some kind of saucony. I'm not saying that they'll work for everyone, but it is amazing how differently brands fit different people. . . Do what I did and try them all on--take some laps round the store or on the sidewalk in front. If you're lucky enough to love somewhere with a running store go there, at least to get fitted. It can make a great difference.

So I'm back from my run--the morning didn't happen; I didn't get going until a little after noon, but it didn't really matter. . . I went, and it was better today than last time, and next time will be a little bit better than today, and on and on. . . It was rather hot out (not Texas hot, mind you, but hot enough), and that was kinda nice, but the t-shirt I had on was too big and kept slouching off to one side . . . which was a little irritating. . .

But it was funny--I actually thought abbout the blog before I went--as in, I said I was going to run this morning--I guess I have to run this morning. Strange how the fact that I said it to the three or four people who might read this actually factored into the equation and got me out the door! Whatever works . . .

baby's got new shoes

2005-05-07T22:43:00.000-07:00

So I had to break down and get a new pair of running shoes. Crazy what they charge for shoes, but it's really true that if you spend less than $80 on a pair of shoes, you're way more likely to get shin splints or other injuries.

Me, I'm a saucony girl. Love those shoes, and I'm glad to see that the designs this year aren't ugly. . . and it's finally daylight savings time, so running time is easier to find. For a perverse reason that I haven't yet figured out, I like to run along major streets. In college, there was this road that ran along the north edge of campus. I'd run it from end to end pretty much every day--usually five miles round trip, sometimes I'd take it a bit further, but the further away from the major roads, the less comfortable I was/am. The farthest I have ever gone was a trip to the airport--13.6 miles roundtrip. Not so smart since there was a part of that road without much room on the sides--thus it was a one time deal. While I like the five-milers, I don't have much desire to go farther. Here in Los Angeles, there's a nice stretch of Sunset Blvd. that's about 2.25 miles one-way, so out and back is a good run--not too many lights or major roads to cross, no major turns (hard on the knees), and not too hilly. It's pretty great for my purposes.

Need to get into a more regular routine with it though. I'm an evening runner--I like to go in the late afternoon or early evening before dinner, but that can be hard with my schedule, and the daylight (hence my happiness that daylight savings has returned). Maybe I need to get up earlier in the AM and get in the habit of going in the AM . . . there was one summer when I was running before morning rehearsals, but it lasted for all of three weeks before either my allergies kicked in or I got sick--to this day, still not sure which. Anyway . . . when it comes to mornings, my track record is not so good.

But the extended daylight and the new (not ugly) shoes mean that I should be running my ass off. Tomorrow AM, I'm on it. The first run in the new shoes wasn't so fun. I don't know if it was residual shin splints (though I don't think I had any pain before), or the new shoes aren't as great as I'd hoped--$80 is a lot for a pair of gym trainers. Hopefully that's not the case. I'm an optimist.

Hopefully tomorrow AM (note, we're going with the AM) won't prove me wrong.

There goes the bride

2005-05-04T23:00:00.000-07:00

Like many Americans, I've been really fascinated by the recent news story about the woman in Georgia who feigned her own abduction and ran away a few days before what sounds like a wedding of truly Gatsbian proportions. I guess I'm most surprised by the harshness of the media now that she is back home. Don't get me wrong--I'm not endorsing the whole "fake your own kidnapping" runaway bride scenario, but these people who are calling for a public crucifixion? Is that not strange to anyone but me? I mean, it's like it was okay when there was a threat to her physical safety, but now that she's back, she's right up there with Martha Stewart and Monica Lewinsky in the "women who will forever live in shame and infamy" category. It's like the people of her town are more
upset because they feel humiliated than anything else. First of all, since when is showing concern for a fellow human-being something to be ashamed of? Secondly, whatever happened to compassion? I mean, clearly the woman has some issues that she needs to work through, and I'm guessing that being plastered all over the national news is hard enough without people calling you all sorts of names, telling your fiancé to dump you, and wanting to bring back the stocks in the town square.

But maybe I should pack up and move to Duluth, Georgia. Clearly, people there are all perfect and have never made any mistakes or gotten freaked out or scared of anything. Sounds like an absolute utopia. A second Eden. Hallelujah.

christ.

All I have to say is: people who live in glass houses . . .
And what the hell is wrong with these people who are mad that the authorities considered the possibility that the fiancé might have had some role in the disappearance. Turns out that he didn't, and that's great. It fact it turns out that he is a really great guy by the sound of it (figures that he's already engaged!) But can people really have forgotten Scott Peterson already? Don't they show Law and Order in the South? SVU? Any of the CSI's? Uh, hello--OJ?

Anyway, I feel badly for the woman and her fiancé, and I hope they work through whatever issues they have and make it down that altar. I also hope that all of those people calling for her head on a platter choke on the cake. I'm not wishing death, mind you, just a bit of a wake up call.

things could be worse

2005-04-30T18:28:00.000-07:00

So here I am, feeling mildly sorry for my perpetually single self and what do I happen to read about in this morning's paper? This 24 year old womman who was blinded and damn nearly killed by a piece on an entertainment center that went flying through her windshield as she was on her way home from work. The "Before" picture shows this beautiful, happy young woman, and the "After" shot would just break your heart. I don't want to sound condescending or patronizing here, but the asshole whose fault this was didn't even stop. And when he got tracked down by police who found fingerprints on one of the pieces of debris (the loser has a record), after lying about it, all he could say when confronted with the evidence was, "Oh, Yeah, I guess that could have been me."

Apparently, the worst thing that will happen to him is a $1000 fine. Meanwhile his victim's life is changed forever. What kind of world do we live in where that is any kind of justice? I mean, the jerk doesn't even have to pay for medical expenses. The poor girl and her mom are left with these staggering bills, even after doctors donated their services and people have sent in donations.

Then again, I guess that guy has to live with himself. . . .
Hopefully that's not an easy thing.

On a lighter note,
One of my favorite things about my apartment is the balcony. Ever since i got my cats, I don't spend as much time out there, since they aren't allowed to join me and it seems mean to sit there and not let them out . . . but anyway, every once in a while, I'll look outside and see a hummingbird.

I love hummingbirds.
I'm not much for religion, but I think that hummingbirds may actually be some sort of guardian angels. I'm not sure exactly how that would work, but they really are little miracles with wings. Perhaps they are lucky charms instead of guardian angels, but either way hummingbirds are pretty darn cool.

the eye of the beholder

2005-04-30T00:15:00.000-07:00

Haven’t posted much this week, not for lack of things to post about—though now that it’s late and I’m allowed to write something other than my chapter, I’m drawing a blank . . .

I guess right about now, my friend and coworker, Orlando, is enjoying his final night as a single guy—he gets married tomorrow. I’m happy for him, though there is a small part of me that will be glad to have the wedding talk slow down a bit in the office. Since I’m not even dating anyone these days, hearing about someone else’s impending nuptials wasn’t always easy. It’s not that I begrudge him or anyone else their happiness, it’s just that I’m not in that place, and part of me is a wee bit envious.

I mean, I’m not getting any younger.

Part of it may be Los Angeles. When it comes to dating, I have very mixed feeling about this place. On the one hand, there are a good number of single people in their thirties, and that’s good. But at the same time, I think that it’s really hard to be a single woman here. Most women work out religiously and take really good care of themselves, and it doesn’t hurt that many of them can afford to have a little something done to take care of those especially stubborn problem spots.

Plus, I’m convinced that to be both attractive and intelligent is pretty much the kiss of death. Yes beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all of that, but at least in los angeles, beauty and brains (assuming I possess some share of either, which might be a stretch in both cases given my current status), is a fatal combination. I mean, most guys talk a good game—they claim to want someone who can hold up her end of a conversation . . . but when it comes to putting their money where their mouths are . . . well, let’s just say I’m still waiting for someone to prove me wrong on this one. And just so you know, I’m not Angelina Jolie’s twin sister, but I’m pretty sure I’m not hideous either. But then again, and I don’t think this is just me, it’s hard to talk for a lot of women to talk about their appearance. Either they come off as delusional or they come off as conceited. I don’t think I’m either of those things. I’m just your regular girl-next-door type, maybe a little better maybe a little worse depending on your own aesthetic preferences . . .

I think Zelda Fitzgerald hit the nail of the head when she wished for her daughter to be “a beautiful little fool.” Not that I would wish that on myself or my daughter, should I ever have one, but the whole brains deal—not always the blessing you’d think. Not only are you thinking about things constantly, but the awareness of it all can be a killer. At least if I were an airhead, I’d be, well, an airhead. I can’t help but think that that’s be kinda nice every once in a while. . . at least if you live in La-La Land . . .

I’m not really sure where all this is going except that it’s something that has been on my mind this week, so if for no other reason than to get it out of my own head, it goes up on the blog.

Anyway, I'm going to stop the slippery slide towards self-pity that I see coming on and just wish my friend and his bride every happiness (not that either of them will ever know--but everyone knows that secret wishes are stronger anyway!)

The Luck of the Irish

2005-04-26T22:15:00.000-07:00

or the Irish-American?

So as it turns out, there’s this big Yeats* symposium going on in Sligo while I’m in Ireland this summer, so I think I might just go for bust and extend my trip for a week to go up and take advantage. The crazy thing is that my mom is totally in favor of this plan, even though she and I have discussed on more than one occasion the likelihood that I will chuck the whole academic lifestyle once I finally finish my damn dissertation . . . but hey, another week in Ireland, reading Yeats with Yeats people, who I am to turn that down? Sometimes the academic life can be okay. . . if only there were any jobs.

The downside of my current Irish fetish** is that it seems to involve a decidedly un-Irish new Ben & Jerry’s flavor called “Dublin Mudslide.”“Dublin Mudslide.” This is a downside because the absolute last thing I need while currently spending too many waking hours sitting on my ass working on a computer is ice cream. But damn, it’s good stuff: irish cream ice cream with chocolate chocolate chip cookies and coffee fudge swirls. I’m not even an ice cream person (unless we’re talking Cold Stone, and then it’s a whole other story).

*W. B. Yeats is perhaps Ireland’s most famous poet, and (more importantly), he’s the subject of the third and final chapter of my dissertation. Well, the chapter will come 2nd in the dissertation, sandwiched between T. S. Eliot and William Carlos Williams, but it is the last one to be written).

**I’m obsessed with Irish music these days, and my obsession hems now to be bleeding out into other things like Guinness and Bailey’s and the above-mentioned Ben & Jerry’s flavor . . .

The diabolical nature of Ticketmaster

2005-04-24T21:55:00.000-07:00

1) TM marks up the price of concert tickets as much as 100% for their events because of miscellaneous “convenience” charges, venue charges, and other charges. This mark-up assumes that you choose to get your tickets by mail and do not pay extra to have them messenger. For example, for a ticket to a recent show, the face value of one ticket was $12. When all was said and done, it cost $22 and change. If I had wanted to print my tickets out myself (on my own paper, using my own printer and ink), it was have cost me an additional $2.50. Sorry, but if it’s on my dime, it’s on your paper . . .

2) In the event that a concert is cancelled, all of these extra charges are nonrefundable. So Whether or not a show happens, TM makes their money, and if the show I bought my $22 ticket for is called off, I’m still out $10.

3) TM has what they call “artist alerts.” What this means is that if an artist you like is going to be in your area, TM will send you an email telling you about it before tickets go on-sale. Sounds good right? Wrong. When these alerts do go out, it’s usually on the day before tickets go on sale. Since most tickets go on sale Saturday AM, the alerts usually go out sometime Friday. If you don’t live on-line you might miss them. Even if you do live on-line, there’s no guarantee that the alert will actually go out before the tickets go on sale, so in effect the alerts may well lure you into a false sense of security. This recently happened to me. Now, as it turns out I had tickets to another show on the night in question anyway, but the point is that tickets went on sale on Thursday for an event the following Friday. I have an artist alert for this event, so I should have been notified. I wasn’t. In fact, I still haven’t been notified, and the concert is now over. Had I known that TM sometimes falls asleep on the job, I would have been more vigilant.

4) TM is stupid. This last point might seem unduly harsh, but hear me out. At one of the local venues, tickets apparently went on sale last week for a band called “Aqualung.” (If you haven’t heard him, he’s good and you should check him out, but that’s beside the point.) I went to the TM site to see about getting a ticket for Aqualung, and it’s not listed. There is an event listed at the same venue for the same night for a band called Aqualong. Hmm. So I email TM and ask about it, because the aqualung website doesn’t mention a Los Angeles show, and I don’t know if there is a band called Aqualong. I certainly don’t want to buy a ticket if it’s the wrong band. Not only does TM, not know which is which, it didn’t even understand my email. I’ve now emailed them twice and have still not gotten a straight answer from them. I guess I’ll have to call the venue on Monday and see if anyone there knows what the Hell is going on. But I also goggled aqualong and did a few other internet searches, and to the best of my knowledge, no such band exists . . . so it looks like someone at TM made a spelling error and is just too clueless to fix it. I think I’ll be dealing with the venue from here on out.

5) TM sells tickets to scalpers. They have a program set up to prevent automated sales, but at the same time, I know for a fact that when the hot bands come to town and sell out in a short time that a good number of those tickets are going to show up on ebay before the show. I’m not talking about the “I had to go out of town on business so can’t make this concert” single user sort of thing—that I have no problem with. What I’m talking about are the vendors who buy tickets for the sole purpose of scalping them on the internet for profit. It’s not hard to figure out who these people are: they usually have usernames like “tix4sale” or something . . . What makes this so objectionable is the pretense that TM sells only to individuals. I could go on about the evils of scalping, but I’ll save that for another time.

The thing of it is that for a lot of the shows I go to, there’s not another option. One venue in particular will only accept faxes. So if you have no fax machine (like me!), you have to use TM. This vendor only accepts faxes between 1-5, and tickets usually go on sale at 10 or 11. . . so there have been occasions when the event has sold out before you could even send your fax if you’re lucky enough to have a fax to send. The one benefit is, however, with TM, if you purchase your ticket in advance, you’re most likely able to avoid the will call line the night of the show . . . that’s a plus—but I’m not sure if it’s an $8 plus . . .

rats, rats, and more rats . . .

2005-04-21T18:57:00.000-07:00

Man, I'm such a sucker. . .

Of course work called two more times today about extra students. But All morning, I was good, I was focused, I didn't answer my phone. . . When I felt ready, I called back fully intending to refuse indignantly and deliver a verbal beat down to my coworkers who obviously think I have no life outside the office . . . (There are many ways in which I have no life, but a lack of things I need to do when I'm not in that lousy basement is not one of them. . .)

Did it happen that way? Of course not. The person who kept calling me had the nerve to be in a meeting when I finally called back, so I end up talking to my colleagues, the ones actually asking the favors. It's much easier to refuse a middle man. As a result, I now have 4 more students. I'm less than thrilled about this; they better be good students.

Moral of the story: No matter what, do not return phone calls if you don't want to be suckered, conned or emotionally manipulated. Especially do not return calls if you are the sort of person who is prone to being suckered, conned or otherwise manipulated. Wait until deadline has passed and then apologize profusely for not getting back in touch in time. One of these days, I will figure this out in practice as well as in theory.

My sole consolation in all of this is that hopefully someone somewhere is keeping track of all these good deeds (and overlooking my initial unwillingness to participate). It would be one thing if there weren't 47 other things on my plate right now--then I'd probably fuss but get over it pretty quickly. These 47 other things, however, make it tough because I'm already feeling like I'm wound too tightly. I hate being uber-stressed, and I resent having that feeling compounded by other people's drama. I'm one of those people who absorbs the energy of those around me, so my job can be especially stressful because students all come in with this heightened sense of urgency and I become infected with that urgency much like a virus or the common cold. I need to work on building up my emotional immune system, I guess. It may be the only way I'm going to survive this whole ordeal.

On a completely unrelated note, I'm wondering why it is that my neighbor feels the spontaneous urge to belt out "Holiday" by Madonna in the middle of the afternoon. To my knowledge it is not an actual holiday. If you've perused my list of random factoids, you know that I have an aversion to other people singing along to music--even if they can actually sing and I like the music they are singing. While my neighbor's voice isn't bad (but he is rather loud), I don't care for Madonna. It seems that now he's moved on to Morrisey. I usually like Morrisey (at least when he's coming from my stereo). I DO NOT like my neighbor's random fits of spontaneity.

intellectual overload

2005-04-20T16:54:00.000-07:00

There's just too much stuff going on in my head. I'm stressed about not getting my chapter done, and I'm worried about rehearsal tonight because the conductor threatened to make every member of my section play a particular problem spot in front of the entire orchestra solo. I can play that spot, but there's no way I can play it solo. I get nervous and choke--that's why I am an orchestral player and not a soloist: safety in numbers. I don't want the entire orchestra, especially a certain someone, to think that I suck. But what else will they think when I crack publicly. My only consolation is a faint glimmer of hope that the conductor will give us a shot to play it together first, and that we nail it 'cause then I'm fine. no humiliation.

UPDATE: faint glimmers of hope sometimes can be realized! we didn't suck :)
Now if this strategy could only work in other areas of my life . . .

I'm also still messed up by a post on another blog that really upset me yesterday, and the more i think about it, more more messed up I get. I forget sometimes that there are people in the world who have different opinions and viewpoints than I do. I mean, of course, not everyone thinks the same way, but living in california, going to grad school, playing in an orchestra . . . all of these factors combine to make my world a particularly liberal place. Add to that a few years in the school of hard knocks and a deeply sworn vow not to judge other people because being judged can suck pretty hard. . . I don't know--I guess I try to learn something for everyone I encounter, in the real world or in blogspace. It's just difficult for me to read things that seem close-minded or judgmental or just logically unsound, especially when they come from people whom I kinda like. . . That said, I do appreciate different vantage points and try to be as open to them as I can. It's just hard sometimes, but I guess that's life; it's easy to accept difference when it's slight. It's much harder to swallow when it's fundamental--but I'm realizing that this is perhaps the whole point of acceptance.

I'm also really irritated at my job right now. I actually have three jobs: one as a graduae student to write my dissertation, another as a teaching assistant where I mentor and supervisor students doing internships for course credit, and three as a test-prep instructor. The internship job is really weighing on me right now because although I'm done with the in-office part of that job for the week, my colleagues keep calling me asking me to take on one more student. This has happened three times in 24 hours. Never mind that I've said that I don't want to be called unless it's an EMERGENCY; nevermind that enrollment for the course closed last week; nevermind that these students are not English majors or doing internships that have even the slightest tangential relationship to English, literary studies or the humanities. . .
I need to turn off my phone and just ignore it all because that's the only way that I'll get left alone to do any of my own work.

Of course, that hasn't happened today because my head is spinning like a three ring circus, or something that actually spins in too many directions at the same time resulting in utter chaos, but nothing like that actually comes to mind so the circus will have to do for now.

This is why I need to go back to yoga class or at least run somewhere and clear out all of this noise.

My 100 things

2005-04-19T12:48:00.000-07:00

So I saw another blog that I thought was pretty cool Jazz . . . in strange places. Anyway, the author had a list of 100 random things about herself. I enjoyed reading them, so I've decided to try and come up with a list of my own.

1. I was born in Pittsburgh, PA and lived there three different times by the time I was in 6th grade.
2. My middle name is Elizabeth, but I like to tell people that it's Elvis. Usually they believe me. If fact there was one guy I knew in college who only found out last year that my middle name wasn't actually Elvis--that means I had him fooled for something like 10 years. I didn't mean to keep the charade going that long--I just kinda forgot about it.
3. Elizabeth was my Dad's grandmother's name, but when my parents told her that they had named me after her she said, "No you didn't. If you had, her name would be Elizabeth Erin."
4. The only thing I remember about my great-grandmother Elizabeth is that she had a parrot.
5. I love to go see bands! Love it, love it, love it! I'll go even if I've never heard of the band before (though in that case, someone has to vouch).
6. My favorite place to see a band is the Troubadour. Not only do they get great bands, but it is a small venue and I can walk there.
7. I like to go see bands by myself (you can't talk when the music is playing anyway)
8. I also like to go to the movies alone.
9. I don't think either of these makes me anti-social.
10. I've been in school for as much of my life as I can remember.
11. Doesn't look like there is any end (to me beinng in school) in sight.
12. I play the viola, and I've always played the viola. I only know one other violist who didn't play the violin first and switch over after the fact.
13. Someone should have noticed that the reason I liked the viola as a kid, what attracted me to it, was its name--the word "viola." I liked the sound of it--the instrument it went along with was almost incidental. almost. Kinda explains the English major thing.
14. I'm a true Libra--I don't like decisions, I don't like conflict, I have a good sense of style (even if I can't always afford to dress the part), and I'm very particular about how things look: clothes, hair, gift-wrap, buffet tables--it may be a sickness.
15. One of the great regrets of my high school career is not having room in my schedule to learn how to type properly. Had I known then what I know now, I would have made the time.
16. The first cassette tape I remember buying is "We are the World." I remember being so proud of that tape, and I listened to it over, and over, and over, and over (of course, singing along at the top of my lungs).
17. Apparently singing along to music is something I inherited from my mother. In addition, I apparently didn't like for anyone else to sing. My mom has told me on multiple occasions that when I was a little girl, I used to tell her, "Don't sing, Mom! Don't sing!" What a brat!
18. I love the Pittsburgh Steelers, and I'm proud to have been one of the original fans of "Big Ben."
19. I love fantasy sports, although I like baseball a lot less than football or basketball.
20. My favorite colors are violet-blue, rose-pink, and a teal-green/blue.
21. I cannot wear yellow without looking ill.
22. I love, love, love my ipod! I'm on my second after effectively wearing out the first one.
23. I can't decide if the ipod or tivo is the best invention of the 21st cntury thus far. Both have improved my quality of life immeasurably
24. My Tivo is absolutely better than my last boyfriend--making that swap has improved the quality of my life immeasurably too.
25. Because Tivo has purged me of that toxic relationship, it wins the competition.
26. I watch too much TV.
27. My favorite non-alcoholic drink is Fresca.
28. I don't think I have a favorite alcoholic drink. This doesn't mean that I don't drink, it just means that I don't have a favorite. It depends on my mood.
29. I could eat pizza every day of the week and twice on Sunday and be perfectly content.
30. To me, frozen pizza, home-made pizza, and different pizzas from different restaurants are all totally unique. Perhaps appreciating these fine distinctions makes me some kind of a pizza connoisseur.
31. I think ice cream is a valid breakfast choice. Granted it isn't as good for you as cottage cheese or yogurt, but dairy is dairy, and any of it would be more healthy than a Pop-Tart.
32. I teach a class on how to improve your score on the GMAT--but only the verbal part. Asking me to teach the math section of the test would be doing a serious disservice to the students in the class, and we'd probably have to pay them to put up with me instead of the other way around.
33. In fact, when it comes to most things mathematical, I am barely functional.
34. I remember all sorts of random things about people and events, but when it comes to remembering where I put my keys, forget about it. (pun not intended)
35. One of the main reasons I was excited to move to Los Angeles was that I thought that I would actually be able to get good Thai food here. I was right; I love Thai food!
36. The downside to LA is the lack of good pizza.
37. That downside is probably good for me because if I could find really good pizza in LA, I'd probably weigh 300 lbs.
38. I love Harry Potter and have read books 1-4 half a dozen times. I've only read book 5 twice (things are a bit busy these days).
39. I also love Stephen King, Michael Connelly, Patricia Cornwell, and John Irving
40. I briefly considered majoring in viola performance in college, but I decided that I liked daylight and eating more than I liked locking myself in a practice room and being poor. So what I'm doing in a ph.d. program is a bit of a conundrum at times.
41. I love Apple Jacks.
42. I absolutely hate cough syrup but don't think that the gel caps that you can swallow without tasting the evil that is cough syrup actually work so i have to construct elaborate distraction techniques to get myself to take medicine when I need it. Also, it means I'm really sick if I take cough syrup of my own volition.
43. I am an aggressive driver.
44. I know more about cars than any self-respecting woman should, except of course, how to fix them.
45. I have a wicked sweet tooth (and it's kicking in right now).
46. I'm not a big fan of girl scout cookies, but I usually buy a box or two each year to support the cause.
47. I wish I could afford to take more horseback riding lessons.
48. I love British accents.
49. I was born on Friday the 13th.
50. My favorite time of day is sunset.
51. I used to go whitewater kayaking and actually miss rivers sometimes, but I was always pretty nervous when it came time to navigate the rapids.
52. I did hit a combat roll though on one of my last river trips. It was pretty sweet.
53. I miss college sometimes, not the thing itself as much as the constellation of people and events that I experienced and got to know.
54. I have almost finished my ph.d.
55. I love manatees--they aren't the most beautiful or the smartest animals, but they seem like they are the most gentle and kind.
56. When I was a kid, I used to love mayonnaise sandwiches--that's two pieces of white bread and mayonnaise, nothing else. The thought of eating such a concoction these days turns my stomach.
57. I hate having to go to a car wash, and as a result, I often drive a very dirty vehicle.
58. I love Las Vegas, and I love to play blackjack. The last two trips, however, I haven't won or even broken even. Probably those weekends would have been better spent doing more productive things (like writing my dissertation).
59. A lot of my friends are significantly younger than I am. Those who are my age seem to be moving away, if they haven't already (it's a part of life in academics). I find that sad.
60. I have 6 piercings: three in my earlobes, one in the top outer cartlidge, on ei n the inner middle cartlidge, and one in my navel. The inner cartiledge hurt so much that I almost passed out and then I almost vomited. Consequently, it is the one I am most proud of.
61. I've thought about getting a tattoo at various times in my life, but I could never decide what to get or where to get it. I finally decided on a place, my foot, and then was told that not only did it hurt quite a lot in that spot because there are lots of nerve endings and thin skin, but that the tattoo would probably get blurry and eventually turn into a blob. Pain I can deal with, ugliness I can't.
62. I love to go rollerblading on the bikepath at the beach, but I won't go anywhere else because I can't stop very well (or at all). At the beach, if you fall, you can mostly fall in the sand. Other place would probably involve falling on pavement with traffic around.
63. I've been trying to make peace with my stomach for many years. It's the only part of my body that I really dislike, even though most people would probably say that I'm crazy and should have my head examined. But I haven't yet met a woman who is completely satisfied with her body, so I think it's not just me.
64. I do like my eyes--they're an interesting color of blue that shifts from blue to gray to sometimes even green depending on what color I wear.
65. I wish I could speak French.
66. My mom took me to see U2's Joshua Tree tour for my 13th birthday. To this day, it's one of the best shows I've ever seen, and to this day, my Mom has no idea how cool she was for taking me.
67. My dad is named Clement. All throughout my childhood we'd get funny solicitation mail at our house addressed to Kermit, Cement, and my personal favorite, Omlet/omlette.
68. My brother is pretty cool--but he's married now, which worries me since it seems like we couldn't both have a successful relationship at the same time. I wonder if his wedding took us both permanently off the market.
69. I really like living in los angeles, but I wonder if its harder to meet people in this city compareed to other places.
70. The first time I ever let my hair grow out was in college--my mom would never let me have long hair growing up because she said that thin hair like mine always looked stringy. For the record, I think she's wrong.
71. Every once in a long, long while I crave a slurpee from 7-11. There's nothing like a pure sugar rush.
72. I can't imagine taking a long trip with another person because I've been flying by myself for 8 years now with only one or two exceptions. That's not to say thhat I haven't met up with people once I've gotten where I'm going, but the actual travel part is almost always solo. I'l be taking my first entirely solo expedition this summer when I go to Dublin after the WCW conference. I'm kinda excited and kinda scared.
73. Frye's makes the best boots in the world--comfortable and durable and cool.
74. I inherited my grandmother's vanity streak. But I don't have multiple pairs of white pants hanging in my closet--in fact, come to think of it, I don't have any white pants in my closet.
75. I wear jeans a lot.
76. I like baseball caps, but I don't wear them very ooften because i think that hats and glasses together are usually overwhelming to a face--of course, sometimes that's the entire point. I try not to have those kind of days very often.
77. I much prefer daylight-savings time to thhe rest of the year--it's depressing to me when it gets dark at 4:30.
78. I wonder if technology is really such a good thing sometimes--I mean, yes I can now listen to whatever CD I want whereever I am, but I also could be working on my dissertation a lot more because i have a computer at home and could theoretically do nothing else but write. I don't think that's very healthy.
79. I don't like vegetables except for carrots, potatoes and corn.
80. I love fruit, however, and one of the wonderful things about california is the quality (and quantity) of fresh produce.
81. I'm not a fan of thee pomegrante--too much work and little pay-off. Thus if I were Persephone, I'd be seriously pissed at having to return to the underworld for three months all because I ate a few pomegrante seeds. I mean, come on, pomegrante seeds don't even taste like anything, and they stain everything red. Rip-off! If it were strawberries, mango, orange, plum, peach, nectarine, even grapefruit I could deal, but pomegrante--man.
82. In my next life, I would like to be a drummer. PLaying the drums is so cool, but I would suck at it because I can't do different things with different limbs at the same time. It would be a disaster.
83. In the orchestral microcosm, I tend to date trumpet players though I did also date a cellist once. Unfortunately, he turned out to be a Jerk (note the captial J).
84. I think I'll probably end up a perpetual bachelorette, and I'm doing my best to be fine with that. Sometimes it's easier than others.
85. In regards to above, I am the girl who is the gal-pal, girl-next-door, confidente, not thhe girl who is the love-interest. I'm still not enntirely sure, after 30+ years, why that is.
86. I love crossword puzzles and word games.
87. I read a lot of detective novels.
88. One of the hardest things about being single is having to put suntan lotion on your own back.
89. Because I've been a student for basically my whole life, I'm worried that I'll be a cheapskate even when I longer have to be. This, of course, assumes that I do eventually find meaningful employment that pays me more than my graduate student stipend.
90. I could never date a Republican.
91. I have absolutely no desire to learn how to surf, but I'll certainly hang out on the beach and watch.
92. I've been highlighting my hair for years, and yet it still shocks me when people say that I'm a blonde. To me, blonde is Kate Hudson, Kate Bosworth, Cameron Diaz. . . My hair is not that color. It's more like Jennifer Aniston or Kate Winslet (please not that I'm not talking abouut anything but hair color here!). To me that's light brown.
93. Part of me is sad that 90210 reruns are no longer on the air. I hope they'll come back to FX or another network sometime in the future.
94. This time around, I thhink April is indeed the cruellest month.
95. This blog is named after a song by Mic Christopher, whose music I really admire. I also really like the word, "Skylarkin."
96. I am not a morning person, even when I don't have to get up early.
97. I'm also not a nap person unless I am truly exhausted or sick.
98. I really don't like going down stairs if they have horizontal stripes on them because my brain gets confused and I start to get vertigo. I'm afraid to look down, but I;m also afraid that if I don't look where I'm going, I'll fall.
99. Actually, I think that falling down, at least every once in a while, is good for people because it forces them to get back up again, and there's no truer test of character than that.
100. I still wish upon stars.

Happy Birthday

2005-04-19T10:55:00.000-07:00

to my little furry friend Owen. He's four today (or sometime around now--as he was a rescue, all we have are best guesses since no one was actually around for the birth!) But it's absolutely amazing to me that the little O. is already 4, and that Winston, his adopted brother is 5! It seems like yesterday that I was obsessed with finding the perfect grey cat (somehow, two of them managed to find me instead)! And yet it seems like they're been a part of my life forever. I guess that's the way it is when things are right.

The funny thing is that growing up, I was never a cat person--in fact, I didn't like cats at all. We always had dogs, and I loved dogs. Of course, my life doesn't permit a dog, even if my lease did (but it doesn't either). So when the hedgehog passed away (yes, I had a pet hedgehog--but that's another blog for another time), I needed to find a pet that was both legal in CA (thus no more hedgehogs) and conducive to a sometimes home, sometimes not, guardian. Cats were not the obvious choice; I didn't understand cats probably because I hadn't ever been around them. Thanks to a few good friends and their felines, I adopted Winston in June of 2000. It took a little adjustment in the beginning, but most things do.

Owen came along about a year later.
And that was four years ago.

Every day is like Sunday

2005-04-17T19:07:00.000-07:00

Not sure what else to say about that.

Why is it that things that are supposed to be better for you don't taste as good as their less-healthy counterparts. Case in point: Jamba Juice. Went there on my excursion this afternoon, and got one of the new "lighter" options. And it tasted less. Not worse, mind you, just less--as in there was less flavor; tasted like there was part air. Not sure what that was all about, but I'll get something else next time.

Also had a shot of wheatgrass in honor of my friend Shelley who just moved back east yesterday with her husband and two sons. Shel was the first one to get me to do shots of alcohol at Penn State, and she was the first one to get me to do wheatgrass years later in CA (the key lime juice was my idea though, to be fair). Who would have thought that wheatgrass would have actually tasted kinda good? Certainly not me! And whose idea was it to pulverize it and drink it in the first place? But it makes perfect sense that Shel would be the one to introduce me to it. She always was into that healthy green foodstuffs. . . In fact the last time I saw her, she got some "Emerald Isle" juice with grass and spinach and stuff. I didn't try it, but have to say that it didn't seem all that appealing to me. Then again, neither did the wheatgrass. . . Hope that they're all adjusting to Allentown okay. . .

Hit 10200 words yesterday in the Williams chapter. Of course the quality of those words is something else, but I just have to keep telling myself that I'm still in the brain purge stage . . . Drafting is supposed to suck (and it does!), but that's okay because it's just a draft. Revision, revision, revision.

Witness for the prosecution

2005-04-14T21:06:00.000-07:00

Actually, I was a witness for the defense.
For real, well, for real in a mock trial sense.

So I saw this sign on campus looking for actors to participate in a mock trial at the law school. Thought it sounded like fun--I have a million other things that I should be doing, but I really wanted to do this and check out law school from the inside. So I called. The woman I spoke with thought I was calling about being on the jury, but whatever. I gave hher my email and she sent me the information. I emailed back and volunteered to be either a witness or a jury member, so she mailed me some witness parts, and one looked good, soI agreed.

It was awesome! I LOVED it, and that's kind of weird, I think, but man. . .
I think I am going to go to law school.

Seriously.
Just have to finish my dissertation first.
I just got off the phone with my mom about all of this, and how I think this is something I really want to do. I don't think she completely gets it, but I don't think she's completely opposed either--just concerned that the whole ph.d. will have amounted to a big waste of time. I don't know how I can explain that that isn't the case at all, and that I needed to be doing what I'm doing to make sure that if nothing else, it wasn't the right path for the rest of my life . . . I mean, I love reading. I'll always love reading, and I love working with people--could never be a teacher in anything but college, but even that, i don't think will be completely satifiying because of the publishing pressure or the 4/4 teaching load to compensate. But I needed to be doing this to really figure all of this out. . . I'm still figuring it out . . . but I do know that it couldn't have happened earlier or any other way.

blogging at work . . .

2005-04-12T13:37:00.000-07:00

Since there are no students right now . . .
Recently rediscovered the joy of the party-shuffle on my itunes (and on a related tangent, it's Tuesday, so there is potential for a new, free, song--woo hoo!) but back to the joy of the party-shuffle. Reminding me of albums I had forgotten that I had . . . case in point: Spain, "She Haunts My Dreams"--beautiful, bittersweet, melancholy. Would not be good if I were feeling depressed, but I'm not feeling depressed.

Can't say enough about how much I'm loving the new Bloc Party, how much I love my Frames, how jealous I am of all people living in Ireland in the month of April and can go see Bell X1 live, how much I hope that Matt Pond PA comes to the Troubadour in May or June . . .

Have recently been bitten by the spring shopping bug, and am currently infatuated with a brand call Da-Nang . . . and of course everything they make is expensive and silk and beautiful. Maybe someday . . .

In the back of my mind, I'm preparing to transform myself from Williams scholar, guidance counselor, verbal goddess into Barbara Moore, administrative assistant. I'll assume this alternate identity in a couple days for a mock trial at the law school. Should be lots of fun--I'll get cross examined in a wrongful termination suit. I don't really have the time for this right now, but it just seemed like so much fun! I know exactly how I'd use my testimony if I were the attorneys--I wonder if the "real" lawyers will be that clever ;)

Well . . . So much for Lion Pride

2005-04-09T22:23:00.000-07:00

Guess I've seen some cool blogs and some not cool blogs, but I am feeling the urge to create something tonight and hopefully it will be closer to the cool end than the not-cool. . .

Spent my day today at the races, literally. Horse-races. "Santa Maria, why'd you have to burn?" Err, I mean, Santa Anita . . . fun--Penn State Alumni Association, although I only saw a total of 8 Penn Staters, and I was with three of them. Kinda sad, but maybe there were more people there that just didn't come to the picnic area. But funny thing is that I actually knew one of the other people--it was Gretchen from my Penn's Woods Days--the gretchen who was the Eisenhower stage manager . . . small world.

But it was a fun day, even though my horses didn't win. Didn't even place.
I was really hoping that Sweet Catomine, the only girl in her race, would kick it in and beat all the boys, but I guess it wasn't meant to be.

Got a t-shirt out of the deal though . . . and had fun . . .
and now have a headache, but I think the headache is more due to dehydration and the wind (it is REALLY blowing outside!) than anything else. Did have a few dixie cups of beer at the micro-brew fest, but it didn' really amount to much . . . but thhis wind, this wind is a whole other story. Can hear it through the door. Maybe I'm slipping into a Madeline L'Engle novel.

Or maybe not.