blogger, I miss you

Just was reading over these posts and thinking aout how much time has passed since I spent any time here. It's making me strangely nostalgic.

Add that to the fact that I feel like a lousy friend right now. A good friend got a job offer from a good school but for not such great money, and she's having a hard time with it. Personally, I don't think it's about the money, i think it's about the fact that it's scary as hell to contemplate actually taking a job and moving far away. But she doesn't want to hear even remote hints to that effect. She's making excuses. She talks about how she could move somewhere she wants to live and make more money, but she won't acknowledge that there's big change there too, nor will she acknowledge that clearly, if that's what she really wanted, she probably would have done it already . . . She's making things personal that shouldn't be personal--salary negotiations for example. I'm not suggesting that they don't matter or that they shouldn't matter, but it can't be emotional.

I don't know. I know she thinks that I'm being unsupportive, but I can't just tell her what she wants to hear. What kind of friend is that?

Fuck if I know.

I might find myself in a very similar position in a few weeks . . . I have a second interview with a school thousands of miles away. I have to keep telling myself to wait and see. wait and see. If it is horrible, I can say no. If it's not, then it's not. I can't know this stuff before I get there. But what I don't get is why no one tells you how far beynd terrifying this part of the process is. It's way worse than the pre-conference stage. At that point, it's all abstract and some time in the far off future. but now when it gets to this point, things start to get more and more real. less and less abstract. closer. that, quite frankly, scares the bloody hell out of me.

the only other question, knowing me as I do, is why this should come as any kind of a surprise.